What Some Women Really Want from Men when They Get Married

Since I gave the newly engaged women a look at what their men really want in a marriage it's only fair that I do the same for newly engaged guys.

While you men are out doing something manly and gross we women are plotting your death. We get masters degrees in forensic science, prepare a fully equipped, body disposal kit and stow it in the trunk of our car and we have carefully constructed the world's greatest alibi and plan B. the escape route.

It's in our nature and it's never wise to question nature. Just know that your death is always on your wife's mind; get used to it. You know how you like to joke to your buddies and brag about how she keeps you on your toes? Now you know the real truth behind that.

Once we women get settled into marriage we discover that you are much more appealing when you don't speak. It's universally known amongst women that a silent man is a keeper!

Sure there are times when we want your opinion but for the most part we just want you to be quiet. We have plenty to say so you'll never have to worry about the conversation drying up.

And just because we complain that you never talk to us anymore, doesn't mean we really want you to talk. That's a misnomer. We really want you to pay rapt attention to what we are saying so that when we ask you, "did you hear what I said? Tell me what I said." You'll be able to repeat word for word whatever it was that we just told you.

If there's one reason to have a man around it's for the heavy lifting. Yes, yes, you are mighty and rugged, blah blah blah. Just get that box down from the top of the garage already.

Speaking of manual labor; every woman knows that changing a tire on the side of the road in high heels and a miniskirt just isn't ideal. That's what you are for. Aside from female mechanics, the rest of us are looking for a life-long mechanic and handy man.

Who was the first person to make fire? A man, that's right not a woman. If we really wanted to, most of us could get one going but that takes too much effort. Most men are willing to prove their manliness and are happy to build roaring, set-the-house-on-fire, fires.

Money. There I said it. We want your money, regardless of how much of our own money we have. Your money makes it that much more fun to have. Women like things. Things make us happy and all warm and fuzzy inside. We want you get us new things. Things are the key to a woman's heart. And that most definitely means shoes!

Lions, Tigers and bears. You get'em! I'm sorry fellas, but that's just not something most women want to deal with. Once we get married it's up to you to get rid of any unpleasant critters and that includes spiders, bugs and flying things.

Once you guys have this understanding, your life will take on a whole new meaning. A good understanding makes for a much better relationship. You'll have no more worries about miscommunication if you keep these things in the back of your mind.

Disclaimer: This article was written in jest and was not intended to offend or give away the secrets of any Bitch, spoiled little princess or gold-digging tramp.