What to Do when Someone Lies About You

When someone lies about you, it becomes very tempting to either lie about them in return or to spread knowledge of the lie by defending yourself often and publicly. It is far more important to allow the lie to die on its own and through natural means. This is similar to someone choosing to live the last three months of their life at home, among family, enjoying themselves, rather than unnaturally keeping themselves alive and in constant pain, away from home, through constant and hellish chemotherapy treatments. Lies need to be corrected when it comes to your attention or when you have a chance to directly confront the falsehood, and all other times, they should be ignored and forgotten. How does one accomplish this in real life?

Wait. Wait and wait and wait. Do not allow the initial lie to take over your life. For all you know, your best friends and most trusted colleagues are presenting hard evidence in defense of your position. By steadfastly and constantly denying the lie, you are marketing how much it means to you that someone incorrectly feels that way about you. You are then seen as needy, in need of external validation, wanting to constantly be right, and that you do not care very much about your public image or how you are seen by others -- or you would not be desperately trying to redeem yourself, even if you look like a fool when doing so. Wait and see what happens. Do not wait a day or two. Wait a few weeks.

When asked, give the bare facts about the truth -- and nothing else. There are two extremes which you could take when denying an accusation. The first one is denying all association with the lie, completely. "I never had any interest in Alex whatsoever. I only like him as a friend. I have never had any romantic interest in him. I don't know what the hell they're talking about." The second extreme is to over-explain the matter, making yourself a victim in the process. This is unwise because it makes a monster out of the liar, which only looks like mudslinging to others and makes you look guiltier. "I only said that I would date Alex. I never hit on him or asked him out. I can't believe his girlfriend is acting like I was trying to steal him away from her. I would never do that." Instead, take an honest, more neutral, and very calm approach. State facts, even if they are negative, simply and easily -- and only state them once. "I told Alex that he should dump his girlfriend and be with me, but he said No, so I didn't get him." That's it. Nothing else. Don't go into long explanations or make anything complicated. Remember, that will only make you look guiltier and more emotionally attached to the situation.

Live your life normally and make your presence more known. People often focus on the latest data in their collection of information about a person. Do not hide your face in embarrassment or avoid any of the people in question. Instead, show up unabashedly and create new truths about yourself. This is the fastest way to override a lie or a misunderstanding. Make yourself approachable and anyone who does not understand the situation might actually feel comfortable enough to ask you about it themselves. Either way, you will be creating new data for them to process by your normal, non-aggressive, calm behavior.

Lies are not diseases which need to be aggressively cut out or given in to. They do not exist. The truth always surfaces in the end, and it is best that your own behavior is not added to the memory of the falsehood.