What to Do when Your Spouse is a Helicopter Parent and You Are Not

The Internet is abuzz right now with the term "Helicopter Parenting". This term is a very general term for parents that hover over their children or tend to be overly protective of their children. In this day and age helicopter parenting seems to be the obvious way to manage your children's experience with the world. Most parents that hover over their children believe that they are helping their child by limiting their contact with negative experiences whether it be at home, in public places such as the grocery store meeting other people or school where they interact with other kids and teachers. More parents are gravitating towards this style of parenting due to the more publicized child abductions, student abuse at school, and exposure to adult images, obscene language, and bad influences widely available to kids and teens.

What do I do if my spouse has a different style of parenting?

It is normal for two parents in the same household to have different styles of parenting. One parent thinks it is important to limit their child climbing the playground while the other parent encourages the child to explore and learn to become a great climber. The important thing is to establish acceptable parameters that the kids understand clearly. There is a difference in exploration and safety and some of the parameters must be set based on age, physical ability, and maturity. A child might not have the mental capacity to understand the danger involved in an activity. Two different parents in the same household must decide together how to include their child in exploring something they are interested in without hurting themselves. Guidance with some independence is helpful to a child's growth. Keep them safe while they have a feeling of self reliance.

View from a Helicopter Parent

My child needs my help. My child needs to be kept safe. My child needs to be kept close to me so I can keep an eye on them. You can't trust everyone to keep my child safe like I will. People are generally nice but don't care about my child like I do. I'm not sure people realize how special my child is.

View from a Non-Helicopter Parent

My child is very capable. My child needs to learn to explore on their own. My child needs to figure out what they like. Sometimes my child needs to be independent. My child will find out through interacting with others that some people are nice and some are not. My child is special and when they do things on their own people will recognize it.

I believe to a certain extent that most parents enjoy being a helicopter parent because they want their child to need them. At some point our children start to grow up and need more of their own experiences and less of our guided presence. Helicopter parenting can be very beneficial especially during the younger ages and stages as children need parental guidance to give them a strong foundation to make positive decisions in their life.