What is Stress?

What is stress? The dictionary defines stress as "something given special weight or significance," such as, "I can't stress enough the importance of being on time for appointments". Another definition is "influence exerted forcibly; pressure". The second meaning of stress is one we have all experienced in our lives many times.

We would all like to live our lives without stress. Stress is construed as something negative and that is often true, but there is good stress as well. If there were no goals set by us or for us, we would never accomplish the great achievements mankind has produced. Work, by its very nature, is performing duties to achieve that which was not there before our efforts. In other words, technology would never advance unless there were plans for future developments and people to implement those plans to create something new. So that is the stress between what is and what will be that drives all work that is performed. That kind of stress drives the progress of our country's achievements.

However, we have all experienced negative stress: the difference that exists between what is and how we want it to be. We have a definite idea in mind about how we should perform a job assigned to us at work, so we set about achieving the goal. Your boss approaches you and tells you that is not the way he wants things. So you have to redo the project. That causes negative stress, as we thought we had accomplished the work and now we have to start all over again.

We often have negative stress at home as well. We have our own comfort zones with regard to how our homes run and the activities we pursue. Sometimes someone else in the house has different ideas about running the house and doing things. If we strongly believe our standards and preferences are correct, and if we don't wish to compromise, stress occurs between the people living in the household. It can be a teenager who wants more freedom, a wife or husband who disagrees about how finances should be handled, or a household member who wants to participate as a family in an activity that no one else enjoys.

What can you do about stress? At work, you might be able to explain your ideas to your boss, and he might reconsider your work and his decision regarding it. Then again, he might stick to his decision about redoing the work. If that happens, you can take a short break to stretch and release the tension in your neck and shoulders, take deep breaths, and think about something pleasant. You can then attack the project with a little less stress. Stress needs a break. It is unhealthy to live and work stressed out to the maximum degree.

At home, you could have a family meeting. Each person would have a chance to explain their feelings about a certain matter without interruption. When everyone has spoken, it is time for everyone to reconsider their positions about the subject. If there is no consensus about the matter, you will all have to give and take on the problem. If it's a financial disagreement, you can agree to parts of the other person's viewpoint, while retaining parts of your own viewpoint in the matter. It's the only way to solve stress. If only one party always gives in to the other, there will be resentment and maybe inappropriate acting out.

There are some people who never resolve stress, whether at work or at home. These are the people who get into an argument with the other party, and both of them go off mad at the other. There is palpable stress between them (and it may spill over to others around them who feel the tension) for a certain period of time and then they start talking to each other again, but with a definite coolness between them. This is unresolved stress that can kill you or cause serious health problems. Each person pushes the resentment farther down inside where they don't have to look at it, but the negative feelings about the unresolved stress remain on an unconscious level. Again, interaction between the parties may be negative or inappropriate.

Our behaviors determine who we are and how we interact with others. We can decide how to deal with the inevitable negative stress in our lives. We cannot avoid stress altogether as it is part of the human condition, but we can minimize it and the effects it has on us, by handling each stressful situation in an appropriate, healthy manner.