What to Do when Your Teenager Lies and Steals

Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world and being the parent of a difficult child can be the worst job in the world. I know because I have been there, done that, and survived, but most importantly my child survived and grew to be the responsible, loving adult that she was created to be. You can survive this too.

The first thing to remember is you love your child. No matter what they do, never stop saying I love you and as you probably already know there will be times that it is not always the easiest thing.

Don't forget your dealing with a child who has a child's mind. They may look all grown up but in their minds they are still a child. They have childish thoughts and do childish things. Never forget that you are the adult and therefore the one who needs to take the high road and be mature. Many parents unfortunately are more or just as immature as their teenagers. I advise all parents to take a look deep inside yourself and think back on the ways you have handled some of the situations with your child in the past and ask the questions "Did I act like a responsible adult?", "Did I take the high road?", and "did I take what my child did personally?".

It's very few teenagers who really set out to take you down. Although if you drastically have to make a change in your parenting style they might test you and things could become worse before they become better. I had to make some changes when I realized that my busy schedule was part of the problem and when I started paying more attention to who my child was hanging around with and where they were hanging out, my daughter rebelled until she realized things were not going back to the way they were.....ever.

That leads to consistency. No matter what your rules or parenting style, don't change or give in because it is more convenient at the time. With our busy schedules this is one of the areas that parents fail at the most. Children need to know the limits. If those limits keep changing it only confuses the child and they will learn that if they persist you will give in because it's easier. In other words the more difficult they make it for you the easier it is to make you fold.

So far what I have said addresses any teenage behavior so lets talk now about lying and stealing. First really look back at the times your teen lied or stole. Why do you think they did this? For attention? Is your lifestyle so busy you don't spend enough time with your child? The majority of troubled teens can be traced back to a weak family unit. The end! Being a parent is a job. Are you showing up for work? How much time and effort are you spending on this job? Really think about it. When was the last time you planned to spend quality time with your teen. They may not even want to but it's the best thing you can do for them. The rewards may not be seen for years but I guarantee they will come. Nothing is better then spending time together. Don't let your school or other people raise your child. Add up the time your teenager is in school and then add the time they spend with their friends and then alone in their rooms. How many hours does that add up to daily? Are you raising your child or other people? If your child is spending most of their time with other people then you should not be surprised when they don't share your values.

There are many reasons for children to lie. Sometimes it's as simple as not wanting to be punished. First make sure you are not being unreasonable with your discipline. If you used spanking when your child was young they are now too old for this type of discipline, and if you used this discipline to excess when your child was young then you may have unknowingly taught your child to lie. Wouldn't you lie if you thought your boss at work was going to hit you when they found out you had messed up?

My daughter learned to lie because I had a very bad temper. Unknowingly I had taught her to lie. I had to take a good look at my actions when I was angry. I had to change before I could help my teenager to change and it took many years before the damage I had done could begin to be repaired. It was only by showing her day by day that her mother no longer came unglued when her mother was angry. She did not have to be afraid of me. In essence I was acting like a child with no control over their emotions. This may not be your problem but just make sure that you have dealt with your negative behaviors before you try to change your childs.

If your teenager has a lying problem, you must remember that this is a learned behavior. You may not be sure how they learned it but somehow they did. Always make your child responsible for their behavior. If they tell a lie let them deal with any fallout regardless of how much it may embarrass you and have consequences for lying when you catch them at it.

Sometimes you have to put safety before anything else for instance if your child is lying about where they are going. Follow them, make phone calls, do whatever it takes to keep them safe and explain to them that when they can prove to you they are not going to lie to you then you will stop checking up on them. Now remember, teenagers think that one time of telling the truth should be enough to prove to you they have changed. Make it very clear to them that it took many lies to bring you to the point where you are now at and it will take many times of telling the truth to reverse the damage. It's a lesson they need to learn now, because if they continue this behavior into their adulthood they are going to walk a very unhappy and rocky road.

Stealing is very serious as it can result in problems with the law. If your child is stealing from you and no one else that you know your lucky. Many parents find out about the stealing when they are notified by the police. Once again make the child responsible for their actions. When caught they need to go to the person or maybe a store and admit and apologize for what they have done. Never under any circumstances try to protect your teenager from this. It is very embarrassing for them and for you but it needs to be done.

If your teenager is stealing from you, ask yourself if they are getting enough allowance and are they earning what they get? You should rarely be giving money to your teenager that they have not earned. Stealing is getting something for nothing and getting your allowance for nothing reinforces the idea that things in life should come easy. Make sure your teen has specific weekly chores and they do them, otherwise no allowance. If this causes them to steal more then you will have to deal with it. That sounds harsh but there is never a good excuse for stealing.

Try to find out, if you can, why your teen steals. They could just be hanging around with the wrong crowd or they may find it a thrill just to see if they can get away with it. There could be many reasons and it's easier to correct a problem if you know the cause of it. Unfortunately sometimes you just don't know.

If your child has fallen into the wrong company try getting them involved in an activity they are naturally interested in. This could be organized sports, dancing, ballet, skating, painting, playing an instrument, just make sure it is something they like and then get involved with them in what they choose. Give them and praise when they deserve it and lots of encouragement.

There actually are worse behaviors to correct then lying and stealing but there are certain things that all negative behaviors require to correct them and that is unconditional love and acceptance. You don't have to accept the behavior but accept your teenager and where they are in life. You can get over this hurdle and your child with your love and guidance can grow up to be a normal, responsible adult.