What Do You Think About Calling Step Children, "Bonus" Children?
According to the ex etiquette columnists, "bonus" isn't just a word to describe, it's a state of mind about how blended families are perceived. But what do people really think about this term? I took a poll to find out and the answers I received were somewhat surprising.
"I don't particularly like the term. I do agree... that it could be hurtful for a child to see you think of it as a good thing that what happened with their parents transpired. It also sets them up like a possession. I'd stick to the term "step," it won't confuse people who haven't heard of the term "bonus" and won't cause any bad sentiments." - Sherrir3152
"I personally do not have step children. But I do think it is a hurtful thing to call a child who has most likely been through a traumatizing divorce. Why can't they just say "my child", as by marriage the child is now part of their life..? I wouldn't call my little sister my bonus sister because she was adopted, she's my sister no matter how she got there." - Kitterkat
Other comments stated that the term sounded more like an inside joke meant to hurt the step child. However, others had a different opinion.
"I don't think there's anything wrong with the term. It sounds like it can either be used for a 'cute' effect, or by someone who thinks 'step' has a negative connotation. Either way, if everyone in the family is on board with the term "bonus child" then that's great." - Emoja
"I gamble and on a slot machine getting the "bonus" is like the only reason to be playing it. So maybe that's why I like the term. However, I am not a step-child so I do not know how they would feel." - Jax's Mommy
The next comment I gathered, though, really made me think about the term and how it might be perceived.
"Step children have no say in the marital status of their parents nor who they remarry so it sounds a little insulting to me. It's up to the kids to decide how they fit into to the newly arranged family, not the new parents." - chickenfarmer
In light of that comment, I asked my husband's 15 year old son what he thought about it.
He started laughing at me. "Bonus?" he said. "Sounds like you won me in a card game." This leads us back to the first comment in this article where it might make children feel like a possession. So I asked him if he wanted me to call him my bonus child. "Um.... no."
That's good enough for me.
What do YOU think?
Sources: http://www.bonusfamilies.com/
Published by Pamela Gifford
Pamela is a content writer and writes fiction under the name Pamela Caves. As a content writer, she's had her work on such sites like wiseGeek, eHow, USMomsToday, Gather, various Yahoo! sites, and more. Sh... View profile
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9 Comments
Post a CommentI don't like the term "bonus" child. When my stepson lived with us, I never referred to him as a "bonus" child. What an odd term for a stepchild!
Sophie
Excellent polling data, and I agree! Do they offer buy one get one free, too?
I think it's stupid - I was raised by a 'step-family' - Mom, grandparents, aunts & uncles and we are 'family' that's all that is needed.
I agree- a stepchild is not a "bonus" to be won, or even something extra. I lean towards a blended family. It sounds more equal than even being a "step" apart. Everyone in a blended family is loved and should have an important part in the home.
Shirley Cress Dudley
The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
I don't like the term at all! I have four kids of my own and three of them are my husband's step-kids. He's never referred to them as "step" anything and are his kids just as much as our daughter together is. I let them decide what they would call him, daddy, dad, uncle. They thought about it and the tears in his eyes the day the kids ran into the living room yelling "daddy, daddy, look at this!" was worth letting them decide. The only "bonus" in step-kids is more love and more precious moments they bring into our lives.
Definitely something to think about. Both my husband and myself 'inherited' children when we married and we mostly refer to them as our kids. We only differentiate when necessary. I, personally, don't like the sound 'bonus' children but to each their own.
We hear people tell us how they treat their "step" children no differently than their own. Why call them something different? They are your children.
I agree with your step-sons sentiment. You didn't "win" him. I don't like the term step-child either, but it is the term most of society uses and recognizes.
It does sound like the kids are a posession with the term "bonus." I don't like the term "step" either - it's like stepping into something that may not be pleasant, you know? I don't have any step children so not sure what I would call them.. maybe my "blessings"? Great article as always!