WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU SEE?

In this article, I am going to bypass the usual "let's take a look at psych. symptoms" view of this subject and present an even clearer angle: that of behavior. No one who does not have at least some amount of credentials is qualified to interpret symptoms, but nearly anyone is capable of recognizing behavior. This article will give a view of two entirely different topics; the main point that is essential to keep in mind is that one exhibits oddities of behavior which are quite sudden, and uncharacteristic for that specific person, whereas the other exhibits a pattern that has been ongoing, and rather extreme. It's impossible to emphasize that point too strongly; you might say it's like the difference between acute and chronic: each spells out different needs.

The first topic, or category, is the adult-aged victim of recent sexual assault.

You may have a friend, family member, co-worker, or anyone else with whom you've spent a significant amount of time; in such a case, you may have noticed a relatively sudden change in the person's behavior-- behavior which is uncharacteristic for that particular person. If so, you may have found yourself thinking "She was never like this before... she never acted this way before..." Such thoughts should logically lead to the question "before what?"

Again, the emphasis is on "sudden," "changes," "uncharacteristic." For example, your person may be someone who has "always" been a loner, and spending most of her time by herself is nothing more than a part of her own personality make-up; what you may think of someone's personality is not the issue, the issue is that radical changes happen for a reason. Or, more accurately, "because of" a reason.

In this category there are a number of common behaviors which can clue you in.

1. A person who previously had either an active social life or a number
   of select friends, has begun exhibiting the uncharacteristic
   behavior of avoiding people.
   
2. A person who was usually quite keen on personal grooming and
   appearance, has begun neglecting both.
   
3. A person who did not seem to be bothered by it previously, has
   developed an aversion to being touched or "crowded," whether
   it's a hug from a dear friend or accidently being bumped into by a
   stranger.
   
4. A person who "always had things to do" in the community, such as
   errands, has begun putting them off or avoiding them altogether.
   
5. A person appears to be "emotionally empty," almost mechanical.
6. A person who had no difficulty with it before, now finds initiating
   communications such as going to someone's home or picking up the
   phone to make a phone call, extremely difficult.
   

These are the most common changes-in-behavior that usually occur shortly after an adult has experienced some form of sexual assault.

While the behavior itself is decidedly different between an adult who was recently assaulted and an adult-aged survivor of childhood sexual abuse, the most noticeable difference should be that in the former the behavior is sudden and uncharacteristic, while the latter displays behavior peculiarities that have been ongoing. An adult-aged survivor, who has not recovered from childhood sexual abuse, generally exhibits a number of common behaviors such as:

1. "either" the extreme of a promiscuous behavior and attitude, "or" the
   extreme of complete repression. The former, based on the gut-level
   feelings that he or she "has nothing else of worth to offer," as
   well as "look at how 'normal' I still am- even after what happened
   to me," puts the person in the position of passing his or her body
   around to anyone who will accept it, often dressing in an
   inappropriately-provocative manner, boasting of one's sexual
   conquests. The latter feels the need to avoid sexuality altogether;
   this extreme is not a matter of "waiting for the 'right' person,
   but rather having no wish for the right person to even exist.
   
2. an outrageous focus on the subject of "sex!" For most adult-aged
   survivors who have not recovered, this means an extreme
   over-emphasis on the subject, being obsessed with it when pertaining
   to oneself, and more so when pertaining to other people. Those in
   this category wish every detail of everyone's sexual history. On
   the other extreme are those who cannot tolerate the subject at all;
   they do not have the perspective that it is "something private
   between two people, and a normal part of life," they consider it
   "bad, wrong, dirty."
3. an extreme of needing to be so in-touch with one's surroundings that
   they are not in touch with themselves. Most adult-aged survivors
   who have not recovered feel the need to "keep an eye on"
   everything and everyone that is around them, noticing how their
   surroundings reflect on them. This goes further than the usual
   description of hypervigilence, where a person is unnaturally "on
   the alert" for a real or imagined danger; this particular
   behavior oddity is exhibited by the person "wanting to be sure
   everybody is looking at him (or her)."
4. While the psychological symptoms continue in those who have not recovered,
   the primary gender-specific difference is that a male survivor
   externalizes, whereas the female survivor internalizes. In plainer
   terms, the male abuse survivor generally displays aggression, the
   female survivor exhibits depression.
   

It should not be difficult to recognize that the behavior of one who has been recently victimized and the behavior of one who was victimized long ago are entirely different; but the key point is that the unusual behavior of one is new and uncharacteristic, while the behavior of the other has been ongoing.

As such, their needs differ. Although each person has his or her individual needs, a general rule-of-thumb is that one who is in the former category needs to be listened to, believed, and cared about more than anything else, with professional assistance usually coming in second. One who was victimized as a child but has gone for twenty or thirty years or more without professional help needs such assistance foremost.

Someone displaying a behavior oddity does not necessarily mean he or she has been victimized; but if you see these behaviors clearly in a person, it is certainly a very strong possibility. While "never bring up the subject unless the person brings it up first" is a current "pop" trend, it's rarely in anyone's best interest to hold that viewpoint.