What to Do When You Are the Victim of a Stalker

I've spent several years out in the retail industry. Going into the densely populated environment of big retail business leaves one surrounded by workers and customers. Doing this daily can be like walking into a buzzing bee hive or a busy ant hill. The radio sings overhead, things are being moved around, and people are everywhere, rushing to and fro or congregating to visit. These places are the hubs of insanity at times!

I enjoyed my job because the hours were flexible and instead of going to the same office everyday, I went into several stores to do my job. It kept me active and got me out and about instead of sitting in a chair all day long.

It had only been a few months when I noticed I was being watched. Having a man hovering around, staring, and circling like a vulture is not flattering to a woman when you're simply trying to do your job. It's disturbing and irritating. Many times it can be frightening.

He began to stick around long enough to see me leave and then proceed to follow me around. I noticed him for several months and kept quiet. I didn't acknowledge him. Instead I ignored him as if I didn't even know he was there. I thought if I ignored him long enough, he would just go away.

I didn't want any attention from other employees or to make a big deal out of it. Finally after allowing this man to ogle and follow me, I had enough and decided it was time to put his inappropriate behavior to a halt. I had a concerned friend who thought it would be a good idea to take a picture of this stalker while he went about his persistent preying upon me. I agreed that it would be beneficial to have a picture of him in case I needed to give it to the police.

When Mr. Stalker realized his picture had been taken he got very angry! I guess he didn't like to be looked at... Like an idiot, he went to the management of the store and told them my friend had taken his picture. When management arrived with a the disgruntled jerk, he went on to say he did not approve of my friend taking his picture. Management said we were not allowed to take pictures in the store and I finally got angry.

Months and months of this man's offensive behavior toward me and now he wanted to lodge a complaint against me and my friend? I proceeded to approach him, my finger in his face, and in front of management and my friend, told him that he had been staring at me, following me, and circling around me for months, and that I wanted him to stop it right now and not do it anymore! It didn't take him 5 seconds to be on his was on his way out the door. Finally everyone knew I had been harassed and took steps to keep an eye on this customer from now on.

I've seen him a couple of times since then, but he tends to keep moving in the opposite direction and not make eye contact. Fortunately, the confrontation helped stop his behavior with me, as far as I know to date. I wonder if it made him accountable enough to not do it to others. I hope so. As annoying as his behavior had become, I'm glad it hadn't turned into something even more serious. The obsession of a stalker can get dangerous and sometimes deadly.

A stalker is filled with delusions that their victim loves them, needs them, and wants to be with them. The behavior of a stalker is much like that of an ex-partner who seeks revenge for being rejected.

A stalker is not easy to pick out of a crowd. They are just average people and oftentimes can seem friendly and charming. Most stalkers are male. Many times they have higher intelligence than other criminals. Stalking is typically a persistent pattern of conduct that is unwanted by the person the stalker has targeted. They practice surveillance and follow the victim. There is low-intensity and high-intensity stalking behavior. Low-intensity is less intrusive and not perceived by others as a problem while high-intensity is persistent, aggressive, and noticeably inappropriate.

The first thing to do if you are a victim is to tell the stalker that no further contact will be allowed. Be firm and direct so there's no question as to whether you mean what you're saying. Tell them once and then never give them the satisfaction of reacting to them again. If you continue to respond, it will encourage him to keep up the behavior simply because he's getting a reaction from you.

Getting a dog can be an inexpensive alarm system. Dogs can be a big deterrents to someone wanting to bother or harm you. Sounding your car horn can attract attention to you and make the stalker flee. Equip your car with a locking gas cap that can only be unlocked from the inside of the car.

Take a self-defense class. This will empower you and help you become more aware of your surroundings. I want to caution you to not become overly confident. Giving yourself a false sense of security can leave you open for unexpected aggression from the attacker.

Keep documentation of everything the stalker does. Taking good notes will help you if you need to press charges.

It's wise to not accept packages unless you know exactly where they're coming from. Also be sure to get rid of your discarded mail. Destroy it so that it can't be found and used by the stalker.

Stalkers need no encouragement to act. Don't blame yourself for their behavior and make the mistake of thinking you caused it. If you have to, get a restraining order on them. Although this doesn't always work and is often violated, it may help to deter them from bothering you.

Don't make the mistake of thinking just because the stalker may not have threatened you with physical harm that they won't. If he wanted to hurt you, he wouldn't warn you ahead of time now would he?

Be aware that you may not be the only one in danger of the stalker. It's important to think about those around you too. If the stalker sees those around you as being an obstacle to being with you, he may hurt or kill them.

I have since quit working in the stores. There are many reasons for this besides the stalking incident, but it did play a role in my decision to change my career path. I can still get out and about but now enjoy more freedom than I've ever had from the rigors of working amongst the public.