What I Want for Mother's Day: A Wish List from a Real Mom

As Mother's Day rapidly approaches, there are many of us (yes, I have a mom that I must think about too!) start to panic about what to do to to let our mothers know we care. "What did we get last year? Did she like it? What does she not have? What is she into this year?" There are millions of people out there freaking out about how to handle this time-honored day, because let's face it - no one wants to offend Mom or hurt her feelings. In the interest of saving someone out there some time and a bit of sanity, I offer a few insights from a real live, died-in-the-wool, kid-bearing, child-rearing mom who thinks that Mother's Day needs to be less about gifts and more about Mom.

First off, let me start by saying, I am NOT opposed to gifts, in any way, shape or form. It's just that getting a gift for someone should be fun. It isn't supposed to be a chore nor should it induce stress to pick something out that you think I (or any other person in your life) might like. If you can think of something, great! If you can't, a card and a cute photo will do just as nicely! So...gifts are good only if you can afford something and if you can find something without causing yourself an aneurysm.

Having said that, be careful not to criticize any gift you receive, even if you don't like it. My husband bought me a car last year...I hate it. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't love the gesture, it's that he bought me a car that is uncomfortable and not practical and well, I just hate it. I would have never in a million years picked this car out for myself, and I made the mistake of telling him that, because I was so shocked, I guess. Plus, hellooooo...it's a car! It's a lot of money! When did we decide we had $15,000 lying around for a gift? Let's just say it wasn't a good day after that and I will be more careful from now on to find a better way to express myself. And I will definitely wait until the next day to do it. And I still have the car, because I feel too badly to trade it for another one just yet.

Secondly, while I do expect my husband to acknowledge me on Mother's day and thank me for bringing his spawn into the world for him, I do NOT expect him to go out and spend lots of money and time picking out a Lladro or a 9-carat diamond Mother's ring to show his appreciation. (And after last year, I doubt he'll spend the time trying now, anyway!) I am not his mother, I am his wife. He needs to save the big stuff like that for my birthday or our anniversary! What I do hope for is that he will spend time with our boys to help them understand and appreciate the significance of Mother's Day and the role I play in their lives. It is much more enjoyable (at least for me personally) to receive a hand-made card and a funky breakfast from my 2 guys and their dad, (after they have let me sleep 'til 10 am) than to have them all hand me a nicely wrapped box (obviously not wrapped by them), and run out yelling, "Happy Mother's Day, Mom! We're gonna go play now!" behind them as the door slams.

My own mom echoes that sentiment every year when I receive an email or a phone call saying, "Do NOT get me anything this year. I have too much stuff already and I would rather you guys save your money for groceries." We have tried to ignore this mantra and have spent countless hours thinking about various things she doesn't yet have, and some years we have successfully surprised her. Other years we end up sending cards and photos of the kids 'cause we just can't come up with anything outstanding. It's nice to go to her house and see them framed and hanging on the walls. And it's nice to hear from one of her friends how cute the kids are and how proud my mom is of them when she's showing off the handmade cards and pictures. I take that as a sign that she feels her efforts trying to raise us right were worth it and that she is happy with the acknowledgement from us, regardless of the form in which it comes.

Really, I guess what I am saying is that what most of the mothers I know want is to be acknowledged, loved and respected for the work they do in their homes and in the lives of their family members. All the gifts in the world can't bring that point home to Mom like a hug and a dinner (not made by her) and a foot or shoulder massage while watching one her favorite movies with her. Moms just want to know you love them. It may sound trite and simple, but it's true. If you don't believe me, just ask your mom.