What was that Drug Addict Thinking?

Dorothy has a daughter who is not trusted in her home, even when accompanied by her family. "If Tiffany leaves a room, I know she is looking for something to steal so she can get drugs. If she wants to use our bathroom, I have to watch to make sure she doesn't take a detour into one of the bedrooms."

Dorothy has attempted to manage the sad relationship with her youngest daughter for many years. Her daughter is addicted to K-4's. She is an intravenous user (she shoots the drug). K-4 is the street name for the drug Dilaudid, a serious narcotic.

Like all opioids used for analgesia, hydromorphone (Dilaudid) is potentially habit-forming. It is listed in Schedule II of the United States' Controlled Substances Act of 1970, and is listed in the Single Convention On Narcotic Drugs.

Unfortunately, most Americans either know someone or are related to someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Those who have never been addicted to an altering substance justifiably have a hard time understanding the mindset of those who have.

With that in mind, the following is an attempt to help others understand the battle raging inside an addict. This is not an attempt to excuse actions acted upon by addicts, but rather, it is a journey into the many underlying causes through which this disease literally drags an addict.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines "addiction" as a habitual psychological and physiological dependence on a substance or practice beyond one's voluntary control.

Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary similarly defines "addiction" as a compulsive physiological need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; and broadly defines "addiction" as: persistent, compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be physically, psychologically, or socially harmful.

Having battled addiction to more than one substance for many years, I have learned that a definition for "addiction" is personally hard to come by. It is so many different things which, to me, can be all summed up this way: the things I don't want to do normally end up being the things that I do. Likewise, the things I truly wish to act upon and really intend on doing all too often become the very things I neglect. To me, this ambivalence is the very heart of addiction.

The Online Etymology Dictionary breaks down the word "addiction" in this manner:

ad- prefix expressing direction toward or in addition to, from Latin, ad- "to toward."
diction- 1542, dictionem (dictio), "a saying, expression, word," from dic-, stem of dicere "speak, tell, say," related to dicare "proclaim, dedicate."³

Therefore, it is clear that the word "addiction" means "toward a voice," or "to say," or "to proclaim." It can be said that addicts speak out when they are high or drunk. Could this mean that addicts submerge or bury things that eventually emerge when the release of a high is found?

Wikipedia says, "Addiction (in past days) was a term used to describe a devotion, attachment, dedication, inclination, etc. Nowadays, however, the term addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life. The term is often reserved for drug addictions but it is sometimes applied to other compulsions, such as problem gambling, and compulsive overeating. Factors that have been suggested as causes of addiction include genetic, biological/pharmacological and social factors."

The basic definition of "addiction," however, does not begin to describe the battle that rages inside Tiffany every waking moment as well as what invades her dreaming states. When Tiffany runs out of Dilaudid, the craving and sickness that grabs hold of her creates a priority in her day that super cedes any other want, any other good intention, and anything "right" she could ever do for anyone else.

It is like a monster that invades and conquers every thought process in her brain at any given time. When she sleeps, a barrage of dreams about searching out, obtaining, and using her drug takes over. Nightmares about running out of her drug also accompany the barrage of dreams. The three months that she was clean (an expanse of time in which a user abstains from drugs) gave her no relief from the dreams, either, as they grew worse and multiplied.

Tiffany loves her family, and there is no doubt about that, even though it is never easily seen in her actions. The problem is, the disease of addiction rules her every choice. That is not to say that she is not responsible for the choices she makes. But the choices, unfortunately, are predictable and steadily controlled by the rampant need for Dilaudid.

The long-learned thinking processes within Tiffany's brain have become geared toward creating ways to obtain and use K-4's. After ten years of abusing the drug, her way of thinking cannot be changed without intensive therapy - and lots of it.

Which makes it so very difficult for Dorothy to understand why Tiffany cannot just stop using drugs. "Why can't you just quit?" She often throws up her hands and says this to Tiffany, usually behind a lot of tears and a great deal of misunderstanding. Tiffany then always looks at her mother as if to proclaim, "Are you nuts? Just quit?"

These discussions leave all parties hurt and confused, and no doubt will continue to emerge and cause pain until Tiffany submits to therapy and rehab. Many times, this choice is made for an addict through the courts when a crime has been committed. Sometimes court-ordered treatment helps, sometimes not. It depends on the addict's willingness to learn a new way of thinking - and an absolute new way of life.

As far as what Tiffany is usually thinking, no one ever understands until they have experienced the same type of thinking that comes with years of battling the disease of addiction. Unfortunately then, her family find it hard to truly believe she cares about them at all. Equally saddening is the realization that the very guilt Tiffany experiences due to her family feeling unloved by her is just another log thrown onto the fires of her mind that screams for the quenching escape of her Dilaudid high.

The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/addiction
Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/addiction
Online Etymology Dictionary
http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=ad&searchmode=none
Addiction- Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addiction
Hydromorphone- Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydromorphone