What to Wear to the Beach when You're Fat

Does anyone out there have any idea what I'm supposed to wear to the beach when I'm fat? Stop right there. For those of you who have issue with me saying I'm fat, don't bother feeling sorry for my low self esteem. I'm quite comfortable with myself. I like myself. I've simply gotten fat and I don't sugarcoat it. I'm not overweight. I'm not big boned. I'm fat, plain and simple. There's no disguising it with tummy tucking suits or pretty wraps any more. I'm working on it. I'm not giving up. I'm simply trying to solve an immediate need. What should I wear to the beach while I'm still fat?

Swimsuits are out. Bikinis are way out. Please don't suggest finding a style that flatters. Does this suit make me look fat? No, your fat makes you look fat. No amount of expert tailoring will hide the fact that you look like a lumpy balloon. Maybe I could peruse the vintage stores for one of those full length swimming suits from the twenties? No, that's not a pretty picture at all. So, what can I wear to the beach when I'm this fat?

What about a suit under shorts? That might be respectable beachwear for fat people. Are you kidding me? I can't wear shorts in public. My exposed bumpy knees will frighten the little children. Plus, there's the back issues. Have you ever looked at your back in a swimming suit? If you're fat, I strongly suggest you become aware of this atrocity. Don't put anyone else through that particular experience until you see it for yourself.

How about some man shorts and a t-shirt? Well, this is certainly an alternative that covers the major issues. The guy shorts are long enough. The t-shirt is baggy enough. On the other hand, I'm going swimming with my boyfriend. He's not really into men. I think I can at least try to look feminine, if only for his sake.

How about that wrap? You know, the pretty flowery tropical one? That used to work. Just put on your one piece. Try to ignore the back view. Wrap yourself up sari style to cover the wobbly bits. It's not bad until you look in the mirror. Good heavens, who is that? I look like Great Grandma in her flowered house dress. So much for the sexy wrap.

Spandex capris? Um, I don't think so. Those babies show every lump, bump and dimple you have. Well, I do have that one really constricting pair. Maybe if I wear a v-neck tee over that, I won't look so bad at the beach. Note to self: Don't even try that again. Not only do you have nothing to wear to the beach, now you know you've gotten fatter than you thought. Those babies simply won't go on, no matter how hard you jump up and down.

Time to do a little thinking. I've resigned myself to wearing stretch blue jean capris in the summer. They tighten up some of the flab. They don't show my knees. They keep me relatively cool. How about wearing them swimming? This could actually work. Sort of. So I pull them on, yank a t-shirt over my head, slip on some sandals and head for the beach. It's not perfect. They stick to my legs when wet. That's OK. At least I look half normal. Maybe everyone at the beach will assume I jumped in with my clothes on at the last minute. Sure, that's what they'll think.

More from Jaipi:

How to Take Cheap Family Beach Trips

Health Benefits of the Beach

Why Does the Beach Make Me so Tired?