What a Week it Was...

With this weekly column, I'll be recapping some of the events of the week that I found to be interesting, humorous and/or disgusting. Please note that I do this with several hints of irony and humor, so please don't take any of my comments too seriously. All of these stories were reported by the Associated Press (www.ap.org).

Bengals WR Chris Henry has (another) off-field incident

Chris Henry, a wide receiver for the NFL's Cincinnati Bengals, was allegedly involved in an altercation with a parking lot attendant Late Tuesday night. Apparently, Henry and another man parked their SUV at a Newport, Ky., entertainment district without paying. The parking attendant claimed that Henry argued loudly with him stating, "Don't you know who I am?"
Yes, Chris, we know who you are. You're the f'n moron who is on the cusp over returning to the field after an eight-game suspension, yet is dumb enough to get in an altercation with a parking attendant over - get this - $5.
Henry was claimed to have thrown a $5 bill on the ground, but it was returned to him and police were called. No charges have been filed, however.
For those of you who don't know, Henry has a long history of off-field incidents. I won't get into all of it here, but for a recap check out his Wikipedia entry at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Henry_(wide_receiver).

The point is; this kid can't stay out of trouble. You'd think after all he has been through, coupled with the fact that he just missed half of an NFL season, he'd be keeping his nose clean, revving up for a triumphant return where he finally proves himself.

But, no, he decides to get in a heated dispute over $5. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb...

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Nebraska's Callahan says he won't resign

Nebraska head football coach Bill Callahan said Tuesday he would not resign before the season ends, even if he were offered a buyout worth more than he is entitled to by his contract. "That term 'resignation' is not in our vocabulary," said Callahan.

The Huskers are 4-6 on the season (1-5 in the Big 12), and are currently riding a five-game losing streak (the first since 1958). They've been outscored 226-98 in those five games. Last week's 76-39 debacle at Kansas was the most points ever allowed by a Nebraska team.

Still, Callahan will not resign. No, he'll just let it get to full-blown mutiny, and he'll get run out of town just like he did after his failed attempt as the NFL's Oakland Raiders' head coach. If anyone - even a high school - hires this worthless, sorry excuse for a coach, they can expect more of the same. He's got the anti-Midas touch. Everything he touches turns to shit...

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O.J. arrives at Vegas courthouse

O.J. Simpson arrived at a courthouse Thursday for a hearing to determine whether he will face trial on charges he and others robbed two sports memorabilia dealers in a Las Vegas hotel room.

O.J. in court? I feel like I'm in high school again. Seriously, the guy got away with murder, and has basically been flaunting it. Find a reason - any reason - to put this embarrassment away...

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Children's toy contains GHB

A woman whose toddler son ingested a popular toy that contains a chemical that turns into a powerful date rape drug when eaten said Thursday she knew he was ill when he began to stumble, seemed drunk and started vomiting. The mother, Shelby Esses, said her 20-month-old son Jacob, fell down and was limp after getting into his older sister's Aqua Dots, a Chinese-made toy recalled Wednesday by the Consumer Product Safety Commission.

Aqua Dots, a highly popular holiday toy sold by Australia-based Moose Enterprises, are beads that can be arranged into designs and fused when sprayed with water. The toy was pulled from shelves in North American and Australia after scientists found they contain a chemical that converts into a dangerous drug when eaten. Two children in the U.S. and three in Australia were hospitalized after swallowing the beads.

Scientists say a chemical coating on the beads, when ingested, metabolizes into the so-called date rape drug gamma hydroxy butyrate (GHB). When eaten, the compound - made from common and easily available ingredients - can induce unconsciousness, seizures, drowsiness, coma and death.

In other news, frat houses across the country are frantically trying to snap up as many of the Aqua Dots that they can before they're completely off the market...

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Writers' strike hits Hollywood

Movie and film writers went on strike this week, with over 2,500 strikers on the east coast and about 8,000 on the west coast, according to the president of the Writers Guild of America (East), Michael Winship.

Writers are seeking a share of revenue from so-called "new media," including the downloading of TV shows from the Internet. Winship said producers claimed they had not developed a business model for new media so they could not settle on a share of it for writers.

Writers are asking for a 2.5 percent share of the gross profit on new and existing media such as DVDs, where they receive about five US cents a sale. That was less than the companies that made the packaging, Winship said.

The first shows to feel the effect of the strike were nightly talk shows such as David Letterman's Late Show, but sitcoms, movies and Broadway shows will be affected as well as the strike rolls on.

As a journalist, it's pretty clear what side I'm on concerning this issue. Writers are what make these shows and movies happen. I don't care how charismatic, engaging and attractive a star is, without good writing; they're not worth anything.

But, that's not what bothers me most about this strike. What scares me is the fact that when scripted shows run out of scripts, and reruns get run into the ground, what are networks going to do? Roll out more and more crappy reality programs. Just when it seemed like that mindless, unappealing genre was on a decline, it's poised to take over television. Again. Yuck...

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Jennifer Lopez confirms pregnancy

After weeks of speculation, singer-actress Jennifer Lopez has confirmed that she is pregnant, People magazine reported on Thursday.

Finally, I can sleep at night...

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Girl with 8 limbs has 4 removed

A 2-year-old girl who was born in Bangalore, India, with four arms and four legs showed the first signs of movement Thursday following a marathon operation to remove the extra limbs, doctors said.

What an amazing world we live in...

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New York's $25,000 dessert sets Guinness record

A New York City restaurateur unveiled a $25,000 chocolate sundae on Wednesday, setting a Guinness world record for the most expensive dessert.

Stephen Bruce, owner of Serendipity 3, partnered with luxury jeweler Euphoria New York to create the "Frrozen Haute Chocolate," a blend of 28 cocoas, including 14 of the most expensive and exotic from around the globe.

The dessert, spelled with two Rs, is infused with 5 grams (0.2 ounces) of edible 23-karat gold and served in a goblet lined with edible gold. At the base of the goblet is an 18-karat gold bracelet with 1 carat of white diamonds.

The sundae is topped with whipped cream covered with more gold and a side of La Madeline au Truffle from Knipschildt Chocolatier, which sells for $2,600 a pound.

It is eaten with a gold spoon decorated with white and chocolate-colored diamonds, which can also be taken home.

Or, you can spend 50 cents on an ice cream sandwich from the gas station and be just as satisfied...

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Conan O'Brien Stalked by Priest

A Boston priest has been arrested for allegedly stalking late night talk show host Conan O'Brien. Rev. David Ajemian was busted last Friday outside of O'Brien's NYC studio after allegedly sending the funnyman threatening letters on the letterhead of his parish, the Archdiocese of Boston.

In one letter, Ajemian - who had referred to himself as Conan's "priest stalker" - wrote: "I want a public confession before I ever consider giving you absolution - or a spot on your couch."

After he had been denied entry to an O'Brien taping, he sent another letter, asking, "Is this the way you treat your most dangerous fans?"
The Boston Archdiocese released a statement saying that Ajemian has been put on leave and forbidden from "ministering publicly."

At least this story didn't have anything to do with young boys...

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And finally, moronic views on Halloween

On the October 31 edition of Hannity & Colmes - which is aired on the bastion of slanted right-wing nut-jobs, Fox News - co-host Sean Hannity claimed that "Halloween is a liberal holiday" and "is teaching our kids to be liberals." Hannity explained, "We're teaching kids to knock on other people's doors and ask for a handout."

Wow. The funny thing is that he said it in all seriousness. You're right Sean, those kids should be at home reading the bible and the business section of the newspaper, preparing for a lifeless future spent sucking the fun out of everything. They're kids. Let them have their fun. They can worry about their political leanings when they get to high school. Or, if it was up to you, Sean, when they get drafted into a meaningless war...

Also, that genius Pat Robertson proclaimed that Halloween is the "festival of the Devil," and that celebrating Halloween is "a mistake for Christians" and to participate in it is wrong. Robertson is also the person who claimed that hurricanes in Florida were caused by gay pride parades and that the feminist agenda "is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

So, parents, if you took your children out trick-or-treating, you and them are doomed to eternal damnation. Obnoxious bigots with no tolerance for God's various creatures like Robertson, however, will be blessed with eternal salvation. And people wonder why religion is on the decline in this country...