What a Week it Was... (01-11-08 Edition)

In this weekly column, I recap some of the events of the week that I found to be interesting, humorous and/or disgusting. Please note that I do this with several hints of humor, satire and farce, so please don't take any of my comments too seriously. Most, if not all, of these stories were reported by the Associated Press (www.ap.org) or Reuters (www.reuters.com).

If you like what you see, pass it along to your friends, families and co-workers and spread the love. If you don't like what you see, pass it along to your friends, families and co-workers and take turns pointing out how lame I am.

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Golf Channel anchor suspended

Kelly Tilghman, anchor for the Golf Channel, has been suspended for two weeks for saying that young players who wanted to challenge Tiger Woods should "lynch him in a back alley."

Yes, a very poor choice of words. But, by all accounts, Tilghman and Woods are very close, and Tilghman did not mean the words in a hateful way. Besides that, the term "lynching" originally derived from Charles Lynch, an American Revolutionary who headed an irregular court formed in central Virginia to punish supporters of the British during the American Revolution. The sentences handed down included whipping, property seizure, coerced pledges of allegiance and conscription, and hanging from the walnut tree on his property, hence the development of the term "lynching." Just saying...

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Falcons interested in Carroll

The Atlanta Falcons are interested in University of Southern California (USC) coach Pete Carroll for their head-coaching job. Falcons' owner Arthur Blank is looking for a coach for the second straight year. After firing Jim Mora a year ago, he hired Louisville coach Bobby Petrino. But Petrino lasted just 13 games before quitting to become the coach at the University of Arkansas.

Carroll isn't showing any signs of interest whatsoever, but don't you think the Falcons should stay far, far away from college coaches? I mean; if you hired an advice columnist to be your psychologist and it blew up in your face, would you look towards another advice columnist to be your new psychologist? Maybe that's not the strongest analogy, but it brings me to my next point...

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If you don't get credibility from the Spears family...

The parents of Britney Spears accused television therapist Dr. Phil McGraw of betraying their trust by publicizing his visit to the troubled pop star while she was hospitalized last week. McGraw issued a statement saying Spears is "in dire need of medical and psychological intervention." (You think so?) He later scrapped plans for a special on "The Dr. Phil Show" about Spears and her problems after criticism from other counselors.

Honestly, can we finally all admit that the so-called "Dr." Phil is nothing but a charlatan quack? Yes, he has a PhD in psychology, but he's not a licensed psychologist. Not to mention the various lawsuits filed against him in the past. Sorry to inform many of you, but just because Oprah says someone or something is good, it doesn't make it true.

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No "I Love New York 3"

Despite rumors of a breakup, a VH1 spokeswoman said reality TV couple Tiffany "New York" Pollard and George "Tailor Made" Weisgerber are still together following the conclusion of "I Love New York 2" - and there are no plans for a third season of the reality dating show.

Wonderful. Not only is television spared from more garbage, but countless STDs will not be passed between "New York" and her potential "gentleman" callers.

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In other TV news...

"American Gladiators" is back! After a 12-year hiatus, everyone's favorite show about cannon-fired tennis balls and giant q-tip jousting has returned to the airways, revamped and revitalized. Hosted by Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali, the new show features challenges both old and new (such as Assault, Gauntlet, Hang Tough, Joust, Earthquake, The Wall and The Eliminator). There's also a host of new gladiators, including females Crush, Hellga and Siren, and males Titan, Justice and Wolf.

First off, I must say I was a big fan of the original, and this revival offers much of the same mindless fun. But, there are some flaws. First off, Laila Ali has absolutely none of her father's charisma. Watching her interview contestants makes Hulk Hogan look like Mike Wallace. Second, as with most of today's crappy reality TV, there's too much time focused on the contestants' hard luck stories. Cry me a river, people, we all have problems. Just get to the gladiator-ing! Finally, the gladiators themselves are pretty cheesy (even more so than the original, if you can believe it), especially the men. Wolf actually howls like a wolf, and all of them wear way too much makeup. Still, I say welcome back, Gladiators!

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Pregnancy suits Halle Berry

Actress Halle Berry, whose first child is due in March, is just buzzing about her pregnancy. "My skin is aglow from all the hormones," gushed Berry to "InStyle" magazine. She also added: "When I got pregnant, I stopped drinking diet soda because of the caffeine and aspartame."

In other news, pregnancy makes women gain weight and have odd food cravings. Also, smoking and drinking alcohol is bad for pregnant women. Thanks for the insights, Halle!

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Katie Holmes will not run Boston Marathon

Actress and Tom Cruise brainwashee Katie Holmes, who ran the New York City Marathon last November, will not be competing in the upcoming Boston Marathon, according to her rep.

Not since the early retirement of Michael Jordan has the sports world been so devastated by an athlete hanging it up.

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Robbie Williams threatens to ditch EMI

British singer Robbie Williams has threatened to pull out of his record deal with EMI, according to his manager. The 33-year-old recently revealed on his blog that he would not tour again for the foreseeable future and would not produce a new album this year.

Oh. My. God. What will the music world do without the wonderfully horrendous music of Robbie Williams? What's next, the Spice Girls ending their comeback? Kenny G putting down his sax? Michael Bolton retiring?

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Finally, in "Who gives a shit?" news...

Jessica Biel dyes hair blonde

K-Fed back in studio

Paula Abdul in talks to perform live during Super Bowl

Michelle Rodriguez released early from L.A. jail

Jessica Alba Says Pregnancy Is "Awesome"

Katie Holmes: Suri Is a "Very Strong Woman"

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Until next week...

TS