What Yom Kippur Means to Me

Yom Kippur, for those who don't know, is the holiest day of the year in Judaism. This year, it occurred this past Monday, September 27,^, 2009. Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement, a day for the Jewish people to think about the path they have followed this past year.

It is a day for solemnity, for true reflection about where we have been and whether we have strayed from the path we want to follow. It is a day for us to be sorry for those we have wronged, for the times we didn't do as He would have wanted. And, it is also a day for us to be forgiven by G-d for sins committed.

The Torah tells us about Yom Kippur:

This shall be an eternal law for you: Each year on the 10^th day of the 7^th month you must afflict yourselves and not do any melachah. This is true for both the native born and the convert to Judaism who joins you. This is because on this day you shall have all your sins atoned, so that you will be cleansed. Before G-d you will be cleansed of all your sins. It is a Sabbath of Sabbaths to you, and a day upon which you must afflict yourselves. This is a law for all time. -- Leviticus 16:29-31

Before I discuss how this affects me, I need to explain my background. I grew up in a family that was mostly non-practicing. I knew my religion and that these were very special days, but I had no knowledge or feeling of what it really meant to be part of a Jewish community. I wandered through life, not really feeling a kinship to anyone or anything.

It was only after I, as an adult, decided to reclaim my heritage that I realized that something was missing. It wasn't immediately obvious, but as time went on, I started to discover the wonder and beauty of a spiritual world.

I am someone who tends to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, hunching over at every perceived slight or hateful word. How much do my own feelings of doubt and hurt pride instigate these occurrences? I am trying to work through these unhelpful feelings and emotions. Yom Kippur is the perfect time for such thoughts.

Observing Yom Kippur is not easy; facing the truth of your actions never is. But, this is a chance to look back at the decisions you have made and truly ask yourself if this is the direction you want to or should be heading. Instead of hiding from the truth of why I get so angry, I can reflect on how I tackle everyday issues, admitting that I tend to sabotage myself because of my feelings and hurt pride.

When I hear the haunting beauty of the Kol Nidre service, it transports me to a place of tranquility, where I can truly reflect on what I have done. And, with that reflection comes a new insight. No one is perfect and only by accepting who we are can we live with ourselves.

That is what Yom Kippur means to me. It means solemnity, it means repentance, but, most of all, it means acceptance.