Whats Your Parenting Style ?

The Prophet (Salla Allah ta'ala 'alayhi wa sallam) is reported to have said: "Each one of you is a shepherd and each one of you is responsible for his flock". The father will be held responsible for his children and his wife, and the children and the wife will be held responsible for him. Every master will be held responsible for his slave. Every slave will be held responsible for his master. The teacher will be held responsible for the pupils. The chief will be held responsible for the people of his village. The king will be held responsible for the people of his kingdom. The Commander of the Believers, who is the shepherd of all people, will be held responsible for his flock. There is no one among you who will not be held responsible, individually."

As a mother I find myself responsible for my children and their well being, whether it is educationally, spiritually, and or physically etc. But it seems as though every time I turn around, someone always has something to say about the way I am raising my children.

They are homeschooled, I'm picky about their peers, and I'm strict about manners, praying, and cleanliness. They don't watch TV, except on the weekends, and then only an hour or two per day. My seven year old dresses modestly, it's not required but it makes it easier for when she gets older. And everyone wants to know, why does she has so many clothes on. You mean why is she covered up, without flesh showing at seven years old? ""Why isn't she wearing short shorts like all the other little girls in summer time, instead of long skirts?"

"They need to be in public school, so they can learn about the real world, not in a homeschooled bubble", they say. Do this, and do that. This worked with my kids. But honestly, my children are not like everyone else's children, and everyone else's children are not like my children. In fact, each of my children aren't even a like.

And I believe that when it comes to parenting we each have our own parenting style, which may or may not be the same with each child, depending on that child's personality. Just as there are learning styles, and teaching styles, there are parenting styles, and these styles will reflect in how we manage our household when it comes to childcare, education, TV, nutrition, discipline and more.

It is also that when these parenting styles are put into action either intentional or unintentionally they will also reflect in the character of our children as well.

Authoritarian Parenting is described as parents who have lain of very specific rules, consequences, expectations and standards in which they expect their children to meet. It have been a known fact however that with such strict measures these children may turn out to be adults that are less social, and withdrawn, however they are prepared to meet the standards inspected of them, and are willing to make sacrifices so that these set standards are met.

Authoritive Parenting is described as parenting in which the parents know their rights and authority in which they hold over their children, but in return acknowledge the rights in which the child has over the parent as well. Rules, and Expectations are discussed, and goals and swt and achieved together as a team. These children often times turn out to be highly social and acceptable to others differences, cooperative, and independent.

Lastly, you will find Permissive parents who feel that their children will and need to learn about behavior, and set expectations all on their own. There are rarely limits set, and child and parent boundaries are thin, and or nonexistent. Parents allow the children to raise themselves, and treat them as though they are equals. These children tend to turn out immature, moody, and highly dependent.

So when it comes to parenting, which style is yours? Maybe a little of each, maybe it changes depending on the child or situation. Just remember that as parents we are responsible for our children, and it's a lot more than simply making sure they have food, clothes, and shelter.

As well the responsibility of raising children does not rely only on the shoulders of the mother, but on the entire family as a whole. Fathers have their role in providing a strong, positive male role model and what it is like to be a man, who simply does not just go to work and pay bills, but is actively participant within his family, and mothers have their role in playing the nurturing, female role model to both our female, and male children, not just simple housekeepers and personal assistants for everyone.

Allah (swt) says in the Quran, "O ye who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from God, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.

[Tahrim 66: 6]

And it's not going to happen, just sitting back and living our lives as though we are promised tomorrow, and it's just going to all work itself out. Its work, hard work, to take care of a family and maintain its household, and we all have our responsibility within.