What's the Problem with MyDeathSpace?

Salon recently ran an article called attention to a website I've been visiting for a while now. It's called MyDeathSpace and it is a collection of links to the MySpace accounts of people who have died. The article characterizes the site as a morbid forum for disrespecting and ridiculing the deceased. Apparently the author didn't read many of the forum comments, though. While some of the deaths do draw ridicule, the majority are discussed respectfully. Plus, the fact that the author totally dismisses the value of MyDeathSpace as a cautionary for youngsters makes me believe he doesn't have teen children.

A user registered as 'hancar' wrote this about one death, echoing the general sentiment: "What a beautiful man he was! I can't stop staring at his photo! What a loss! And beautiful on the inside too, it seems and with a great talent, had everything going for him." That happens to be much closer to the general tone of MyDeathSpace postings than the rude ones cited in the article. Yes, if you comb any forum you'll find some rude people, but it's a misrepresentation to quote only a few of the more rude comments while ignoring the fact that most aren't at all disrespectful.

Not only that, but the article oversimplifies what's happening at MyDeathSpace to the extreme. Yes, some people have flipped when they found a relative there, but there are also many cases where it is one of the deceased person's loved ones who posts their death on the site. It serves as way to memorialize the deceased on a larger scale. Many times people who are grieving for someone they loved, especially someone who has died way too young, are primarily concerned with that person being forgotten. MyDeathSpace provides a way to bring the tragedy to the attention of more people, so that the death will not just fade into obscurity, but will be noted.

And let us not pretend that there aren't some really dumb ways to die.

There's a joke that goes like this: "what were the (insert group to be ridiculed)'s last words?" Answer: "Hey, watch this." There are some deaths posted that definitely fall in this category. There's the guy who was standing on an apartment balcony and said exactly those words, "hey watch this," right before he reached up and grabbed an overhead power line and fried himself. There's the couple who fell to their deaths while having sex on the roof of a four story building. The peaked roof of a four story building mind you.

Those stand out in my mind, but there are also the more routine stupidity cases, like the ones who try to race the train to the crossing. Text messaging while driving also makes an appearance. I think we should all collectively acknowledge that if you check out in a way that demonstrates absolute blinding stupidity people are going to get a chuckle. I doubt that is a phenomenon new to the internet age and, though Polly-Anna may have to retire to the fainting couch at the thought, I doubt it will change.

To quote Wild at Heart: "All I know for sure is there's more than a few bad ideas runnin' loose out there." I have brought MyDeathSpace to the attention of my teenage children very vigorously. Ever try to tell a seventeen year old that merely driving is a life-risking situation for people in his age group? This may come as a surprise to people who haven't had the experience, but they don't really want to hear it. Make them sit down and count how many of the fatalities on that site are auto accidents, and further, how many of those were alcohol related or exacerbated by not wearing of seatbelts, and neural pathways start to buzz.

You tell your kids every time they walk out the door to be careful, to think about possible outcomes before they act, etc. Looking at MyDeathSpace is a lesson in how badly people in a certain age group do at following that advice. My kids have gotten more cautious, though, after looking at the hard evidence that youth does not equal invulnerability.

This is something you just can't convey to them in words. Being confronted with the reality that you really can die young and while your just hangin' out and chillin' with your buds is probably a morbid experience, but it can't help but instill a little more caution and if it does that the site is a public service.