What's Rude? How Not to Behave..

Your mother probably told you to mind your manners. In the beginning you probably thought she just embarrassed easily. With maturity we learn the way we behave reflects us as individuals. How we truly feel about people in general shows through the way we treat each other. Dear old mom wanted to be certain you'd be able to properly interact in society, because often your survival depends on it.

She told you to say please and thank you. When you given a gift to someone or done them a favor have you ever noticed there seems to be an emptiness filling you when they part without saying thank you? Being ungrateful is simply selfish. Leaving out the word please makes you sound as though you feel entitled and this can be a problem for you if your intention is to get what you want or need. It's also important to say please and thank you in business situations. May I please have the part numbered 1235 for the Ford Mustang I'm working on? If you're a mechanic working for a company you're entitled to required parts, but please and thank you reflect not only your up bringing, but your sense of compassion for those who work with you. The lunch lady in the cafeteria is supposed to hand you what you ask for, but please and thank you express to her that she is appreciated. This way as you go through your day you leave a trail of people who feel appreciated. Doesn't a lack of appreciation seem to be a major issue in today's society with people who'd rather jump off a building than go into work the next day? That's because we live in a rush/rush world where we're more concerned with productivity than feelings. The result has been countless unhappy, dissatisfied emloyees, students and passer bys.

Aside from please and thank you, there's still more one can do to be a polite, well behaved person. We don't always have time to listen to the woes of others, but once in awhile when you ask how someone is mean it. Take fifteen minutes to really listen to another human being. This doesn't mean you have to stop when you're in a hurry and there's no need to be a push over either. Yet, what Friend's fan doesn't remember the time Feebie took a job as a telemarketer selling toner? She encountered this sad man stuck in an office cubicle with no one else in the company aware of who is he was or what his job description entailed. He was unimportant to them. This guy didn't want to buy any toner, because he was planning on committing suicide. Luckily, Feebie talked him out of it. What if she had simply hung up the phone? This skit wasn't too far from real life. We encounter people everyday who are looking down in the dumps. What are they experiencing on the inside? You might not ever know unless you read the front page. Another modern day trajedgy that could have been prevented with a little kindness? Or none of your business? Isn't it funny/odd how we tend to think it's none of our business until we find ourselves talking among ourselves about the person just across the street who was found dead in their home from either suicide or domestic violence? It was none of our business last week, but somehow we make it our business once it's too late.

O.k. now I'm going to contridict myself just a bit. There's nothing wrong with opening up to a friend, but it's bad manners to go on and on about your x husband in the company of everyone or anyone. You divorced him for a reason. Remember to yourself what that reason was and ask yourself if you're any better off today? You didn't get out of a bad situation to spend the rest of your life wallowing in regret. If you can't find anything else to talk about maybe you need a new hobbie or more responsibility. Read more. Write it out in your journal. Trust me. Your friends are just being nice. They don't really want to hear the same lost love story over and over. Maybe, they'd like to talk to you about something that's gone on in their lives. How would you ever know if you never stop talking about Joe. A person who stays stuck in the past comes across as a very sad one indeed and a bit on the boring side. Your level of intelligence also comes into question, because we have all had someone in our past who hurt us and we've managed to find new projects to keep him or her off our minds. You can't just move on! We're all wondering!
We'll never say this to your face, because our mother's taught us to be polite. So, get it already!

Speaking of honesty. Some people have a probelm with it. How can you expect friends to trust you if you wait a week to tell a recovering alcoholic that the orange juice you served them on Saturday had just a drop or two of whatever in it. Or I meant to tell you before drinking after you that somethings been going around the office and hey I've got it. Say what? What kind of friend are you? Catch my drift. Tell what needs to be told when it needs to be told. You just happen to be checking out the sex offender database and oh hey there's a picture of your neighbor who lives next door to your friend who has three kids. You should definitely say something in confidence. That's why it's posted. Saying something when it needs to be said is apart of common decency.

On another note.... what about saying too much? IS it necessary to inform one of your friends what her best friend said about her style of dress while she was out of town. For those who don't know, what is rude? And what is not? Don't tell your girlfriends how to dress unless they ask. Buy them a subscription to Glamour, but keep your mouth shut. Maybe, your twenty something neighbor likes wearing bows in her hair. So be it. Does she have spinach on her lip on the way out the door to an important job interview? Is her mascara running? By all means tell her anything she didn't mean to do to her appearane on purpose. You don't like those shoes? You're not wearing them. Why is she hanging sheets in the windows instid of curtains?Check out the clearance section at Bed, Bath and Beyond, but don't say a word if she chooses to leave the sheets where they are. A person's home is their haven. So, please make sure you're behaving. Don't point out what's wrong with it. That's just rude. Trying to help by biting your tongue and offering some new decorations is fine. Think productive action instid of verbal abuse. Be sure your action comes across as a gift rather than as an emergency home make over project. Never rush into battle by taking the house over and totally redoing everything. Don't even ask. Just don't do it. If she mentions she'd like some help that's a different story. Maybe she likes the way she lives. People in today's society tend to be overly pushy. This comes across as vanity. It's not your job to monitor other's people's weight. It's not your job to tell people what they're doing wrong, especially if they didn't ask your advice. Your life is your business and most of the time when people do bring up their own struggles they're not doing so for you to give them advice. They just want someone to listen. Most us don't want someone else to figure everything out for us. We just want some moral support, a shoulder to cry on, a little socialization to give us a brake while we're preparing to sort through our own mess. If you're constantly criticizing your friends or family members you may be giving them the opposite of what they're coming to you for. They're likely just looking for someone to play cards with or someone to be around when life is throwing them off. So, don't try to have all the answers. Just be there and allow others to be themselves. Your way is not the only way.

What else? No interruptions please. Let your mate or confidant finish a sentence, an idea, a train of thought before putting your two cents in. Try not to change the subject until the subject changes itself unless you have a good reason. Don't do all the talking even if the other person doesn't have a lot to say. This may be a clue also that you may talk too much for them. Some of us are conversationlists. Others are bird watchers. Look at the pretty blue jay!

When you need to speak to someone who's in a conversation with someone else wait on the sidelines. At a busy lecture or other performance where everyone's trying to tell their life story of how they related to the artist ask for his email address instid of trying to tell him everything on the spot. This will set you apart from the herd. If he doesn't email you back, saying he understands how you relate your story to his don't sweat it. You've just saved yourself ten minutes face to face with somone else who would have felt all along as though he could be talking to someone else. Learn that it's more important to be polite than to always have to meet the lead singer of the hottest rock band. If he's available to speak with you after the show by all means do it, but don't flag him down unless you're working for a very high profile magazine and even then better mind your manners. Just remember famous people have feelings, dead lines and lunch dates too. Also, the more respect you show them the more likely you are to get your story, your autogragh or .... anything else for that matter.

Everyday people as well as celebrities don't like to think you're after their money or their goods. We're all looking for real soulfully centered encouters in our lives. It's acceptable to borrow an egg now and then from a neighbor, but maybe you need to buy a hen if you're asking too often. Never go to someone's house just to use the internet
or chat it up on their phone. If you have an emergency call to make once is alright, but not every time you'd like to speak with your mother. Don't bring your laundry over every other day. Try a laundry matt. People who are too nice to tell you they mind, usually are pulling their hair out in the next room. So, why be offended when all of a sudden you're no longer welcome?

Refrain from asking a lot of personal questions to people you're not all that close to. It's none of your business why the pretty lady is out by herself. Women in today's world are still often treated as though they belong at home as though a mother of a new born baby wouldn't enjoy volunteering at the library a couple of nights a week just to gain some experience and get out of the house. It's not a strangers job to play moral compass. No one likes to be under the microscope.

So, watch what you say, tell what needs to be told, mind your own business and don't harass your neigbors. Remember, to say please and thank you. I think mama would be proud.