What's Wrong with You People?

It happened again the other day -- a backup of cars, this time inside a Beverly Hills parking structure. The reason? Some jackhole in a Lexus parked in the middle of the lane, waiting for some old biddy to put her bag of overpriced Chanel merchandise into her trunk, then stroll leisurely to her car door, setting her Starbucks cup momentarily on the roof, then getting inside the car, then getting out again to get the Starbucks cup she'd left on the roof, then get back in the car, fumble with the keys, start the car, put the Starbucks cup securely in the cupholder, and slowly....ever so slowly....back her Mercedes out of the spot, then even more slowly, inch her way down the aisle to God knows where. Partners in crime, the Lexus and the Mercedes. Four cars had to wait for this interminable process to unfold. Personally more of the blame rests on Mr. Lexus, the actual obstruction, but more time was wasted after I immediatley caught up to Ms. Mercedes, who naturally could not figure out how to get out of the parking structure.

Folks, please allow me to lay out the rules for the proper use of a parking structure. Parking structures are designed in such a way that you really are never too far away from the exit, being that the lots are stacked on top of one another. Here's what you do: you drive at a normal rate of speed until you find an EMPTY spot. It's that simple. If you don't see one on Level 1, then, for the sake of all that is good and holy, go to Level 2, and if you don't find a spot on Level 2, repeat the previous step and go to Level 3. You will pretty much walk the same distance to the elevator or exit, and you'll probably get to your destination even sooner than you will if you wait for the slow-as-all-hell Ms. Mercedes to crawl out of a spot that probably has an identical twin in the same spot on the next level. Trust me, I've checked it out. Now, an allowance could be made if someone is already preparing to pull out of a spot. Fine, wait the requisite 10 seconds, and voila, everyone behind you has avoided another stroke.