When I Am a Vampire

I had "the dream" again last night. I remember the first one when I was 13 years old. Sometimes it's in color and sometimes in black & white. At least once it has been in third person - me watching myself act out the dream. Can our minds REALLY do all of that or is it my waking imagination?

In the dream I am flying. Floating, drifting in the clouds, safe and secure, content in my ability to guide my flight without thought. (Oddly, I am actually afraid of heights!) In each dream I am on a mission. I am searching for someone. I am always longing, looking, aching for a specific person - never finding an answer for my emptiness, yet I taste my craving. Again, last night, I woke lonely and wondering why I can't convince my mind to settle, to comfort me.

Now, for all these years I have analyzed this dream and told myself that it is a Vampire dream. I am flying and I am hungry. That I am in search of my prey, a victim; my desire to feed fuels my journey.

Just tonight I have ventured to think that maybe I am not a dream induced Vampire. Why have I never before noticed that since I had my first teenage heartbreak I have had the dream? Could it all mean that I am looking for true love and never found it?

How sad I feel inside to think that I love with all my heart and have never found true love. I was much more content thinking I'm just a Slumber Vampire.

AND THE DREAM CONTINUES…
Last night I dreamed that I was standing on the edge of a steep cliff, looking out at the water, crying. I was hurting, trapped, mad. I knew that I could not escape this dark island under my own power. It seemed I had spent years longing to leave and knowing I was held captive. I stared off into the distance, noticing that the misty glare around the moon was the same foggy gloom dancing on the water.

I willed myself not to think of him, but my thoughts drifted to this man who offered me an escape from here. He called it "eternal freedom". Zen, this beautiful, powerful man now controlled most of my thoughts.

This is where my vampire dream began. For many years my sleeping hours have been spent flying. Floating, drifting in the clouds, safe and secure, content in my ability to guide my flight without thought. In each dream I am on a mission. I am searching for someone. I am always longing, looking, aching for a specific person - never finding an answer for my emptiness, yet I taste my craving. Now, for all these years I have known that it is a Vampire dream, sometimes wondering if it is real. Could this me a genuine mission I venture out on when I think I'm sleeping? I am flying and I am hungry. I am in search of my prey, a victim; my desire to feed fuels my journey. But my loneliness, my desire to love and be loved prevents me from acting on my instinct to drink another's blood.

Tonight, I know that Zen has controlled those thoughts, created those dreams. And the thought becomes reality. This man could free me by making me one of his own. My sacrifice is to offer him my life. This action will allow me the reality where I escape in search of my love. My heart ached as I thought of searching for this love I long for, yet knowing that when I find him I will be trapped in this sinister world.

After all the years of Zen making me think this transition would benefit him, I knew I could use it to gain my own freedom. I would escape, even to spend eternity alone. Yes, to see tenderness, to look into love's eyes, to leave this place would be worth that moment, worth my life.

Reading my thoughts, knowing that he has won, Zen breaths on my shoulder before I am aware he is close to me.

I offered him my neck, he bent toward me, cringed and fell to his knees. I heard my name yelled out from behind this evil, dying man. I ran to look into those eyes, the man I am to love had rescued me.