When Bad Things Happen: Questioning and Blaming God

I was driving home from taking my children to school the other day, and I started thinking about all the things folks say when something bad happens. The advice we have been given has probably ranged from "Suck it up!", "Try not to think about it", or my least favorite of all "well intentioned" statements: "All things work together for good if you love God".

Questions come and blame begins. How should we deal with the maelstrom of feelings churning inside? It is one thing when something bad happens to someone else, but how about when the stuff hits the fan in your life? In my own life?

Over the years I have found that there are some common misconceptions concerning the tragedies and disappointments that we experience and how we face them. Identifying our misunderstanding in this area will help us face the storms that do, and will, come into our lives.

Misconception #1: When bad things happen, I shouldn't question God/ask Him why.

I believe just the opposite, actually. I think that asking God why can be the exact right thing to do.

If you study the life of the Israelite king, David, you will find that he is often referred to as "a man after God's own heart". Further study will unavoidably take you to the Psalms, many of which he penned. Studied as a journal of sorts, you will quickly find that this man after God's own heart questioned God on many occasions:

Psalm 22:1-2 - "My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me? Why do you remain so distant? Why do you ignore my cries for help? Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief."

Psalm 42:9 - "O God my rock," I cry, "Why have you forsaken me? Why must I wander in darkness, oppressed by my enemies?"

Psalm 43:1-2 - "O God, take up my cause! Defend me against these ungodly people. Rescue me from these unjust liars. For you are God, my only safe haven. Why have you tossed me aside? Why must I wander around in darkness, oppressed by my enemies?"

That is just three examples; there are many more.

Here is the point. God knows how you feel and what you are thinking anyway, so why not tell Him? His shoulders are big enough to handle it!

Granted, if you are looking for an immediate and/or sure answer, you may be disappointed. You see, you may not know the reasons at first, or ever. You may never know why you lost your parent at a young age, why your spouse betrayed you, or why you were passed up for that promotion. What questioning can do, however, is allow you to face the feelings that accompany the hurts and disappointments in life. We need to feel our way through these in order to eventually come to an understanding and/or acceptance.

You may have heard this before: you can't heal what you can't feel. And it is a process - and by the very nature of that word, this means it will take time. Asking the questions, sincerely and honestly, is the beginning of this healing process.

Misconception #2 - If God is really a God of love, He wouldn't make bad things happen.

First of all, God is most definitely a God of love; trust me on that one. That is a whole other topic on which pages upon pages could be written! For the sake of time, we will focus on whether or not God is the cause of "bad things".

Personally, I do not believe that God makes bad things happen. I do not believe He is the author of tragedies and hurts. What I do believe is that He allows bad things to happen, and for two main reasons: (1) it is just the nature of the world we live in and (2) allowing some pain to come into our lives teaches us things that we might not learn otherwise.

Let's explore number one. Our world is not perfect. Children die. Tsunamis wipe out thousands upon thousands. Wars rage and the innocent perish. In our finite minds, we want to know why - we want to place the blame on someone, anyone. And often God is the easiest to point our finger at.

But the fact is, bad things happen. They just do! The rain falls on the just and the unjust. It is not fair, and there are things we will never understand. And that sucks! And I think that is some of what we see/hear in David's words in the Psalms. He didn't understand either.

Number two: the simple fact is, we learn from pain. I believe that sometimes God allows pain to come into our lives so that we will learn something. Last week at my children's school, one of the K-4 classes was in PE riding scooters. The teacher instructed the students to sit on the scooters, hold on to the side handles and use their feet to move about the gym. One little boy decided to lie on his stomach instead. She told him three times: "Do not lie on the scooter. You need to sit on it. You are going to get hurt." He chose not to listen. He spent the afternoon at the ER because he knocked a tooth out and split his gums wide open.

Pain. That little boy definitely felt it! And sometimes we do too simply because we want to do it "our way" - and that isn't always the best way. And then natural consequences come - we knock out a tooth or bust our gums and we want to blame any and everyone when the fault lies at the floor in front of our own scooter.

How ridiculous it would have been if that little boy had turned to his teacher as blood ran down his face and said, "See what you made me do?! If you loved me, this wouldn't have happened! It's all your fault!"

And yet isn't that what we sometimes say to God when we find ourselves in a mess of our own creation?

Here's the thing: bad things are going to happen. They just are. If there is anything in this life you can bank on, it is that simple fact. But the other thing you can bank on is this:

God loves you and nothing that happens escapes His notice. He may not have caused it, but neither is He unaware.

The questions are these: Will we allow Him to walk with us through it? And if we made the mess ourselves, will we let Him show us what we need to learn?