When Being "Just Friends" Just Won't Work

Wow, so it looks like you hit that famous place, pal. What do we call it again, oh yeah, the Friend Zone! This term is very popular in psychology to describe those (particularly males) who have not made bold advancements in a relationship to progress to dating. Thus, the female (or male, occasionally) begins to see the mate not as a potential suitor but as a confidant. The term goes way back to a 1994 episode of Friends where Ross was crowned "King of the Friend Zone". The begrudging truth behind a seemingly fun word like "friend zone" highlights the irony of the situation: the suitor does not want to be a friend, but instead desires something more.

So, when is it impossible, exactly, to be "just friends"? That is a very complex question that varies from couple to couple. Major red flags to avoid include obsession, uncomfortable tension around your "friend", and a overprotective nature. One by one we will go over each symptom and why it is unhealthy to worry about another person over and over again.

Obsession will make friendship impossible. If you cannot stop thinking about your friend and how you desire, so much, simply to be with her/him, then it is time to let go. Lay off your interactions with the person for a while until your emotions settle. True friendship is impossible if one party does not see the relationship as such, and if another is completely oblivious to the needs of the other. Dating around will help ease the obsessive tendencies. Do not date because you wish to "get over" that other person, this will only make things worse. Date other people because you desire to be loved, and you really have no time for those who are using you as an emotional pin cushion. If your friend does not want a relationship, and you cannot get that person out of your mind, it is time to live the single life and find true love.

Tension around one's friend is a telltale sign of an awkward relationship. When you cannot enjoy the fruits of friendship, it is time to go back into the "single pool". No one likes tension, and when two friends cannot talk because of it, the friendship isn't going to happen. Be honest with yourself, do you just want a relationship and she/he just wants a friendship? Because if that is the case, brace for uncomfortable times and an unpleasant life. Do yourself a favor and live your life.

Last but not least is being over-protective. Like tension, over-protection is linked with obsession, and simply is inappropriate in a "friend-only" situation. Release your death-grip on your potential partner, and see if she/he truly will come back to you. If not, no big deal. There are plenty of beautiful women/men who will treat you right and love you for who you are.

In the end, a true friendship comes down to being one's self in front of another without worry of reprise. Two friends will never get to be happy if they can't live for themselves. Happiness comes from the inside, not others, and living for yourself is the first step on the road to bliss. Keep a watchful eye out for any of the above mentioned symptoms, and if it progresses, stop any interaction immediately until feelings resume normality.