When You and Your Best Friend Have a Break Up

Boyfriends tend to come and go as the years go by. As we grow older and our needs change, branch out into our careers and really begin to live our lives, the men get different. The dates change from drive-in movies to upscale restaurants, from sodas at the skating rink to cocktails at the club. Only one thing never changes: when the relationship inevitably ends, you call your best girlfriend and have a good cry.

It is our girlfriends who help us to eventually laugh about the experience, who help us point out all the many little faults in our ex, and who invariably point out "he wasn't good enough for you, anyway." Having someone to call at three am when you're horribly post-break up, standing in the kitchen shoveling chocolate in your mouth, who will tell you quite honestly that you're beautiful, wonderful, and too great for that loser is the best pick-me-up of all.

So…what do you do when you and your best friend end up breaking up?

No relationship is ever perfect, and in life there are no guarantees that anything will be able to stand the test of time. But there is rarely anything more heart-breaking than losing a very close friend. It is our friends we trust with our darkest secrets, our fears and ideas and dreams. Lovers do not get as close to us as best friends do, not without some serious years invested into the relationship. And it is our friends we fall back on when our romantic relationships fail, our friends who will hold our hands at a parent's funeral and show up in the middle of the night when someone has broken into the car outside.

Attempting a romantic relationship without having a best friend to talk to is like walking a tightrope without a net: there is no emotional support to cushion us if and when we fall. And when there is no romantic relationship to distract us, life can be very lonely going to movies and out to dinner by yourself. In losing your best friend you lose your closest confidant and your closest link to unconditional love. Because, admit it, we have let our best friends see us at our very worst - and that's the kind of thing you just don't want to share with a lover.

But even friendship is not foolproof, and even the best of all best friends can go their own way. People grow and change, and the closest of friends do drift apart. It can be more painful to lose a best friend than to lose a lover; often, the best friend has been around much longer. So when you lose the one who is closest to you, it can break your heart wide open. Romantic relationships aren't the only relationships that can fall completely apart and seem to halfway destroy us.

People will mostly handle break ups the same way each time a new one occurs. Some people will rush right out and rebound quickly, while others will stew in sadness for a while to overcome the pain. The best way to handle a break up with a friend is to give it some time. Often, your friend might be having a problem you're not even aware of that has very little do with you. Sometimes, sure, it may be all about you - but this is often not the case if you have been very close to this friend for several years. But if they are not making any attempts to call you or spend time with you, back off for a while and let them come to you.

If they are a true friend, they will come to you after some time has passed. Give each other space. Even friendly relations between people can become stale and tedious; sometimes, people just need a break from each other. And often when there are no sexual sparks or physical ties to bring two people together, the friendship can get a little boring. Doing the same things all the time with the same person just plain gets old. If you and your best friend are single for a long time, you'll end up spending more time together. Too much is still too much, best friends or not.

And even in friendships, it is best not to put all our eggs in one basket. We will often go through lovers much more quickly than we will friends, handbags, and sometimes even cartons of milk. That's why our relationships always seem so new and fresh and exciting, while our friends represent a somewhat stale single lifestyle that gets to be a little depressing from time to time. If we switch boyfriends at the speed of light, why do we do the exact same things with the exact same friends every single week?

Our social lives often need a good, healthy shake-up every so often. Hanging out with new people, going to see new things, making new friends is always positive - shouldn't we always try new things? Often, we depend so much on our best friends that we can almost put a strangle-hold on them. All relationships need to be given space in which to grow and change, even if you've known each other since you were twelve. And even best friends can have secrets from each other, for no relationship is ever all-inclusive.

It's true, being left by a best friend is usually more painful than being left by a lover. But the chances are that you and your best friend will reconcile. Give them a little space, send a birthday card, send a Christmas card, and after a few months go by if you haven't heard anything then attempt a phone call. True friends will always be friends no matter what. Another lover will end up coming along eventually. It is the friends that we want to hold on to, for as long as we can.