When Big Boys Cry

I am at the point of brooding over the past, the detail of the coming together of my parents. My personal memory is not capable of connecting threads of happenings but I wanted to mark a clearer situation which might imply to the main credo of this dissertation.

My papa had the ever agonizing past that inflected depression on him. At a young age, he became very devoted to death. Killing everyone who'd accompanied tragedy, injustice and suffering that succumbed his being to pursue a contemplative life. Committing suicide after the bloody compliance of retaliation had bothered none of his humanness.

On his early twenties, while counting his last days of living, he would supply himself gratification from beyond needs. He did even hit the spot of gulping every bit of staple man wants. Had it been in a way of dalliance, self-abuse and so but not entirely wicked. My papa may not be a man of perfect moral during that period, but he'd great knowledge of knowing the limitation of doing wrong and the fate of doing what is only good. And unknowingly weeps during his forlorn moments.

It was, until he noticed an innocent lady yet graceful and carries a dubious discreet all over her simple personality -my mother with shoulders for him to cry on.

I wanted to quote on the idea of man's lavish down in the dumps expression. Yes, big boys do cry. My example appeared to be very harsh and astute but to where a tear came from, your man will probably give you no reason akin to what I've discovered lately about my father.

What do you want to know about your man?

Basically, man is a mixture of logic and caprice. One may distinguish himself as a person of emotions or preferably of reasons. Either of both could be dominant in us and which as an identity to the individual's peculiar ways of living. But to balance both senses makes every human being stronger in all aspects regardless of sexes. This is where parallelism between man and woman appears to be a fact as what is common today. Women can be as smart as men, as strong as men, as powerful, as extravagant.

I wish to dislocate from that formality in pursuance of my personal insight. From the events I happened to observe in my youth, I believe that a man, precisely a "guy" gestures none about his misery unlike to woman. Man, egotistic in nature would choose to silent him during worst times. The concealed outburst of sadness, loneliness and even lust poisons their minds and plunge them into hopelessness or otherwise they knew about meditation or reflection to personally heal themselves. When I was a child, I would see my mama cry when she and my papa fought. I used to think that it was natural for women. Women can easily seek refuge and comfort through unconscious submission to a fellow being.

But seeing my papa in tears for our debts or reasons doesn't matter at all, I wondered so much for my heart couldn't bear.

The first time I saw my boyfriend crying for the thought of his beloved family, I felt very much devastated by heart. I had to face raw emotion from a person who in the first place not a part of my family. For years, I wrestled with deep, intense feelings I never knew I had. This crying off experience with a simple man had made me appreciate life more. And if I had known the truth about this heart-touching emotion of man, I might have been a better shoulder for him to cry on. At least then I've learnt something, that there are more to what I could only perceive and what could be behind man's silence needs patience and understanding.

Lastly, I want to share a point to ponder from David Grayson:

I wonder if ever you make any real difference in human beings without understanding them and loving them. For when you argue with a man, you are somehow trying to pull him down and make him less; but when you try to understand him, when you like him, how eager is he then to know the truth you have; and you add to him in some strange way, you make him more than he was before; and at the same time you yourself become more.

When my Papa finally found mama who did made him very comfortable of his crying with no words to explain at all, there then were peace and love and hope for his new life.

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