When You Can't Be the "Grandma" You Would like to Be

Being the grandmother of eight and a great-grandmother of one, I can never express all the joy that comes with it. You get to do all the things that you didn't dare do with your children. Spoiling is a big one.

Sometimes though, because of necessity and circumstances beyond your control, you have to suspend the usual fun "grandma" status to become a caregiver, substitute parent, counselor, and morality police.

You find yourself responsible for a grandchild that has been physically, mentally or sexually abused. When that happens, get ready for the most hurtful words you can possibly hear from your grandchild. "I wish you weren't my grandma", "I never want to see you again", "I wish you would die", "I HATE YOU"! They may even get physical with you. It rips a hole in your heart, that you think can never be healed. I can't promise that a scar won't remain, But I can promise that you can overcome it, If you remember the ultimate goal is to end up with a happy, healthy, productive grandchild. It's not easy, and it could take years before they grown up and mature enough to realize what you did was out of love, but you have to be persistent.

Realize that most of the time, the main reason the child vents all his/her anger towards you, is because they know in their heart that your love is unconditional. You will always be there for them, even if it's not the way they want you to be.

When they tell them they hate you, tell them your sorry they feel that way , but you love them and always will. Sometimes it's hard, but try not to get into shouting and name calling matches that will go nowhere, and end up antagonizing the situation.

Don't let the fear of their rejection, keep you from expressing to them what is right. If you don't teach them, who will?

Always remind them there is a higher power they can lean on. Mine is God. Instilling faith is so important.

If you want them to grow up with values and good morals, practice what you preach, and let them see how it's done through example.

Whenever possible seek counseling for the child and yourself.

Remember where they are coming from, most the time they are acting out what they have been exposed to . It's a learned behavior that needs to be un-learned. It's not easy, there is no quick fix, and it can take years to help them heal. But isn't that what Grandmas are for?