When Your Child is Being Bullied: A True Story

According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of bullying. Find out what happens when victims stay home too much and discover the true story of a day in the live of a victim of bullying.

Lisa: Tell me a little bit about Jonathan before the bullying started.

Emily: Jonathan was never an "outgoing" kid. He did have many friends though. He played baseball, football and basketball. We had no problems with him going to school. In second grade, his class voted him to represent their class in student council and he didn't even run for student council. He has always had good grades - mostly A's. He never had any problems in school.

Lisa: When did the bullying start?

Emily: Around 5^th grade, we started having problems financially, had problems with landlords and had to move a lot. Even with all those changes moving from new homes to new schools Jonathan did will, at least until he started middle school. He had no preparation for the transition. I took him to the new school, they gave him a tour, and he was on his own. This school changed classes each period. They had no lockers and they had to carry their book bags around with them.

Lisa: What were some of the signs you noticed that made you think your son was being bullied?

Emily: Suddenly Jonathan became very clingy. He had to sit right beside me all the time. He then began to call home from the nurse's office. He was having stomach issues. We let him stay home as much as we could - we could tell he definitely was sick. Sometimes he called home saying he needed to come home because he had had stomach issues. Trying to deal with the physical issues and allowing him to come home or stay home sick, we received a letter from the school warning us of being taken to court if he missed anymore school.

The physical issues turned emotional. He started crying in the mornings. He knew he had to go to school and with no second car if he missed the bus, we would all be in trouble. There were days I just had to tell him he better not miss the bus and close the door on him. Do you realize how much this hurt me? I would go back in the house and just sit and cry about it. I had no choice at the time, but to make him go to school.

I called the counselor and he said Jon could come in any time to see him. And he did - almost everyday. He began to use that to miss classes. The counselor called and told me that we now just needed to use "tough love" because Jon was so smart that he was using whatever he knew would get to us to miss school.

Next, I took him to a professional counselor. While this seemed to help, the counselor did not notice the symptoms of being bullied, but wanted to blame the situation on our moves and because I was expecting a new baby.

Lisa: How did you first know for sure that your son was being bullied?

Emily: It was later that school year I found out that some kids on the bus had been calling him names. One girl told her friend she thought he was gay. Kids were bumping into him at lunch with their trays, which would either make him drop his or get ketchup all over his back. He had whiteout all over the back of his backpack. Some students deliberately ran into him on campus. They would "bump" into him in an effort to make him drop anything he had in his hands.

I wanted to go to the administration, but summer was just days away and we would be moving to another city, and I hoped that we could help him over the summer, relocate and begin a new in a new city, new school and surrounded by our family. I wanted to think that it was a passing thing and we could make it better.

Lisa: Did things get better after your move?

Emily: At first, he started seventh grade and joined the football team. His father and I thought would be good for him and he would have the team behind him in case there was trouble. Soon the physical problems started all over again. I could hear him throwing up in the bathroom in the morning and I knew he was not faking it.

Once again, we received a letter around Thanksgiving that said he could not miss one more day that semester or he would lose credit even though he had straight A's.

He began the crying again about going to school. He would zone out while trying to talk to me about school and once again, I was in the position where I had to force him to attend. But this time round I knew what to do and I contacted his counselor. She began letting him come in her office when he experienced physical or emotional problems.

After many times asking Jon if anything was going on in school, he finally admitted that there was.

Lisa: What are some of the things other children are doing or saying that is "bullying" behavior?

Emily: He said that he was being bumped into again and being called names. He said a girl told him his hair looked stupid and his clothes too. He brought a paper home that was in his locker that said "Fuck You". At this point, his father and I sat down with him and told him that he needed to stick up for himself. We did not know what else to do. We did take him to a doctor and they put him on Lexapro because he was so anxious that he was making himself sick from worrying. The meds did clam him a little, but the main issue was still there. He said he told the counselor about it, but unless he knew specifically who it was, she could not do anything about it. These random acts were happening in the hallway. It was never just one person picking on him. I called the counselor many times to see how he was doing. Of course, she says he is doing well - he is happy when he is in there with them - he is even a counselor's assistant this year.

How has he changed? Emotionally, physically, mentally?

Emily: It has made Jon cold at times - he puts up a "tough guy" front a lot. Very seldom to you get to see the little boy that he really is. He has become withdrawn. All he wants to do is play video games. We finally got him to play baseball again. The only friends he seems to have are the ones that he plays games with online. In some ways, he has become the bully to his sisters. I read that this happens a lot to kids that are bullied. He can never say anything nice to them - he is always putting them down.

I am afraid it is going to make him into a recluse. I am afraid that it has already affected his self worth, and self-esteem. He has talked to us about being "fat" he is a little overweight, some would even say just a big boy, but he is not obese.

Another thing that I think may have happened because of this. I received a call from one of his teachers saying that he is acting out in class. He is calling people names and getting out of his seat. This is not Jon and never has been. I am not sure if this is his way of trying to fit in - trying to be cool -but I do not know.

Lisa: What are you doing to help your son deal with bullies?

Emily: My husband and I try to talk to him about it. Keep the lines of communication open. We don't know whether it is better for him to walk away or do something about it. We don't want it to get any worse. We encourage him in both school and sports, or anything else he is interested in, by being supportive and attending the events.

Lisa: What are your fears for the future if he continues to be a victim of bullying?

Emily: As a parent, all I want is for my baby to be okay. I was teased in school too and I know the feeling! When you know it is happening to your child, sometimes you just feel like going to that kid who is hurting him and shaking the crap out of them! You feel so angry and helpless.

I know that solves nothing, but you just want to take the hurt away. But because of my experience being "teased" (as they said then) but we know it was bullying now, I know that is has made me so self conscious - it has made me feel like no matter what I say or do, it's not right. It makes me wonder if someone is going to think I am stupid for saying or doing whatever. I never felt beautiful and I always have felt fat. I felt I was never good enough for anyone. I don't want my child to feel like that. I want him to know that no one is better than he is and he has no reason to feel that he is a lesser person than someone else is.

Lisa: This is a new school year. Are things better?

Emily: This year has been better as far as Jon going to school. He is involved in Drama and he loves it. His Drama teacher makes him feel important and I just wish more teachers would do that for kids. I think she sees in him what he goes thru and just the little bit of "you're great, Jon" "you are my star, Jon" makes a world of difference.

Lisa: What is your advice to other parents - those who have children that are bullied or those who have bullies for children?

Emily: Make advice to all parents is to tell your kids how special they are. Boost them up in every way possible. Tell them how much you love them. Maybe this will keep some kids from becoming the bully.

Thank you Emily for sharing was is a very painful story for both you as a parent and a victim of bullying. Hopefully your experiences can help us all recognize the signs of being a bully, or being a victim of bullying.

Sources:
Interview
ABC News/ Teen Commits Suicide Due to Bullying