When Your Child Lies: Positive Ways to React
The Developing Mind
Is it possible to react in positive ways when your child tells you lies?
It is when you come to regard these lies as a natural extension of your child's developing personality.
Is your child lying to you as a result of spite or self-interest as adults do, or are your child's lies part of a healthy pattern of rapidly shaping thoughts about life in general? This means that whether or not your child is really meaning to lie to you can be a matter of opinion, a situation that allows you to remain optimistic.
Your Child's Imagination
If your son, for example, tells you that he just met Superman in the backyard, is he lying to you or just expressing a vivid imagination?
At any rate, you can react in a positive way when your child tells you such a story by enjoying this imagination while gently reminding him that Superman doesn't really exist.
Short Attention Span
Another way to react in a positive way when your child lies is by placing the blame on your child's short attention span.
Your child might appear to be lying to you, for example, as you question them about breaking a lamp. On the other hand, your child might simply be unable to remember what they said or did prior to your intervention.
They aren't really lying. They just forgot what happened.
Under these circumstances, you should approach the child in an indirect way, not accusing: "I wonder how this lamp got broken."
Your Child's Good Intentions
It's easy to be upset when you feel your child is telling lies. That is, until you understand that the lies are meant to keep you from being disappointed in him or her.
You can react in a positive way when your child lies by realizing that misdeeds have to be denied for the sake of your continued acceptance of them. "Good" children don't want to do bad things, so it's easier to deny the mistake than to admit it.
Again, you can handle this situation by avoiding expectations of perfection. You can encourage honesty by showing that you love your child regardless of some accident that's happened.
In sum, it's possible to react in positive ways when your child lies. After all, whether your child is actually meaning to lie is a matter of opinion.
Does your child lie as a result of malice, or are the lies a result of the point of view of a young and developing mind?
It is when you come to regard these lies as a natural extension of your child's developing personality.
Is your child lying to you as a result of spite or self-interest as adults do, or are your child's lies part of a healthy pattern of rapidly shaping thoughts about life in general? This means that whether or not your child is really meaning to lie to you can be a matter of opinion, a situation that allows you to remain optimistic.
Your Child's Imagination
If your son, for example, tells you that he just met Superman in the backyard, is he lying to you or just expressing a vivid imagination?
At any rate, you can react in a positive way when your child tells you such a story by enjoying this imagination while gently reminding him that Superman doesn't really exist.
Short Attention Span
Another way to react in a positive way when your child lies is by placing the blame on your child's short attention span.
Your child might appear to be lying to you, for example, as you question them about breaking a lamp. On the other hand, your child might simply be unable to remember what they said or did prior to your intervention.
They aren't really lying. They just forgot what happened.
Under these circumstances, you should approach the child in an indirect way, not accusing: "I wonder how this lamp got broken."
Your Child's Good Intentions
It's easy to be upset when you feel your child is telling lies. That is, until you understand that the lies are meant to keep you from being disappointed in him or her.
You can react in a positive way when your child lies by realizing that misdeeds have to be denied for the sake of your continued acceptance of them. "Good" children don't want to do bad things, so it's easier to deny the mistake than to admit it.
Again, you can handle this situation by avoiding expectations of perfection. You can encourage honesty by showing that you love your child regardless of some accident that's happened.
In sum, it's possible to react in positive ways when your child lies. After all, whether your child is actually meaning to lie is a matter of opinion.
Does your child lie as a result of malice, or are the lies a result of the point of view of a young and developing mind?
Published by Dan Reveal
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14 Comments
Post a CommentReally good advice!
Very good advice. Kids will try to lie, and they don't seem to realize that parents know what they're doing. They think they can pull the wool over their eyes, so to speak. I could always tell when my son David was lying. He would stare into my eyes, and his would widen. It was as if he was overcompensating somehow. When you know a kid, you can tell when they aren't telling the truth.
Very caring Dan!
Good concepts!
This is very good. My boys are almost 3 and try to blame the other one all the time. Little white lies.
Excellent analysis with great examples and guidance included in your article. Another well done piece!
At some point, every child should be given the wisdom that, when you tell the truth, you don't have to remember what you said.
Good points, Dan, but children must be made to understand that lying is unacceptable behavior. This comes through proper discipline, using a positive approach. Otherwise, children can become adults who are habitual liars who are often unable to distinguish the truth from lies. Thanks for an excellent article!
This reminds me of the time our youngest came out with chocolate ALL OVER her face and hands. I said, "Did you touch the cake?" she said, "Nope" Then I asked how she got chocolate all over her and she said, "I dunno." LOL cheers ;)
I'm glad you're showing the different perspectives of kids growing up and telling fibs. We all did it.