When Death is Near

Death is a process that can be compared to giving birth. The dying patient expresses his weariness to family and friends. He stops fighting the inevitable, and the body gradually shuts down. To family, the process appears to be cruel and painful, but the dying person is not in pain. He is merely waiting.

While he waits, he sleeps. Many people believe that the dying person is in a coma because he does not respond to normal stimuli. However, he can hear conversation but is unable to participate due to the body's response to failing organs. In some cases, the mind has died long ago, leaving only the living shell behind for family and friends to mourn. This is especially true in cases of advanced Alzheimer's disease.

At all times, the family needs to be aware of the disease progression specific to the dying person and what to expect. Talk candidly with your health care provider. Ask questions. Be prepared. Many times, family and friends lack understanding of what will occur in each instance. People are individuals, and even though death is a process following long illness, not all cases are identical.

The dying person who is holding onto life often has a reason for lingering. This is the time for family and friends to share loving memories in the presence of their loved one. The dying family member needs to know his family will not grieve overmuch. He desperately wants to be remembered when he was well and happy, and the period before death occurs should be spent in a joyous celebration of life in front of the patient. He needs to hear laughter from those he loves as they share their memories.

While expressing grief with tears is a common reaction, the dying person would much rather be reminded of good times in the years before his illness. Sharing grandchildren's special achievements-even when it may seem inappropriate-helps to heal instead of harm.
Speaking candidly about helping the patient's spouse with family obligations and repair issues in the home may help put the dying patient's mind at rest.

No one wants to see a loved one lingering through a long and painful illness, but what happens is that some people fail to take advantage of the opportunity to say their goodbyes. Apologizing for misbehavior and asking for forgiveness may not always be appropriate in the presence of others. Rather, relate to the patient in a way that is healing to the spirit, with love in one's voice and let him know you care.

While waiting for death, it is always appropriate to read Bible scripture, reminding our loved one of God's promises and how forgiving Our Lord has been to his servants. Discussions of sermons amongst family members may prove to be spiritually uplifting and strengthening to the dying. Remember, they can hear, even if you see no reaction.

Always attempt to explain to distant friends and relatives your objectives in maintaining a positive, upbuilding atmosphere that creates comfort for everyone. Death is a part of life, and it deserves to be treated with respect.

Making the dying person comfortable is also very important. Even when asleep, it is advisable to swab the patient's mouth with glycerin swabs dipped in water to moisten the tongue and insides of the cheeks. Wash the face gently with warm water. See that their hair is combed and that their clothing remains fresh and free of stains. Adjust pillows to keep the dying person from tilting unnecessarily into a lop-sided position in the bed. Keep the bedclothes clean and fresh. In addition, always remember the dying person cannot do for himself any longer. He needs your compassion and support.

You may notice a significant change in the breathing of the patient that may alarm you. It is called "Cheyne-Stokes," and indicates death will occur within twenty-four hours, although this is not always the case. Some patients remain in Cheyne -Stokes for a very short time before death claims the body and some last longer. It is not always a hard and fast rule.

When the dying person seems more alert, use this time to hold their hand and reassure him of your love and devotion. When he knows, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that you will be okay-he will let go with satisfaction in his heart.