When Did Things Get like This?

I recall the exact moment in time that I realized that I was fed up with society as a whole. A moment that pretty much defined who I was at that time. I was driving home from visiting my at-the-time fiancée. It wasn't late, maybe 10:30 or so in the evening. I had pulled into a gas station along Highway 41 to fill up on gas. The weather was mild, maybe in the low 70's. I had been filling my tank for maybe 30 or 40 seconds when I heard the sound of a motorcycle accelerating hard. I knew from the exhaust sound that it was a Harley. I looked up to see what kind of Harley it was when the blue Mustang coming the other direction turned left directly in front of the bike.

The rider was too close to drop the bike and bail, so he did what anyone would do. He panic braked. The bike got loose and started wobbling and the back end of the bike started to come around. The bike didn't have the opportunity to fall because it slammed into the passenger side door at about 50 miles an hour. I watched as the rider vaulted off the bike and over the car, probably about 15-20 feet. The car slowed down, then drove away.

Everything kind of played out slowly. I remember putting the gas handle back on the pump and going into my trunk for my first aid kit. I had been certified as a 1^st Responder in college and kept a kit by habit. I don't recall being concerned for the rider's well being as I jogged over to where he lay screaming. I recall being not at all surprised that the Mustang drove away. What I remember feeling most was annoyance at the fact that I'd be late getting home because I had to clean up the mess of two stupid people. The rider was going too fast. The rider had no helmet. The car turned into oncoming traffic without signaling or looking. The drive left the scene and would eventually ditch the car and flee on foot. Stupid.

I got to the guy and some girl was already there, trying to comfort him. "It's OK, you can squeeze my hand as hard has you want." Stupid. This guy was bleeding and she had no gloves on. I knelt next to them and told her not to touch him, especially not without gloves on. Fortunately for the rider, he landed on his back and rolled, sparing his head. However there was lots of blood. I looked at my kit, looked at the rider, and just put the kit down. He was rolling around in pain and doing a good deal of thrashing, so I figured there weren't any serious back injuries. Even if there were, I had nothing in my kit to deal with it. I told him he needed to calm down and be as still as possible. He settled down a bit and through his screaming I was able to determine the bike had just been bought not two hours before. I instructed some gawkers to pick up his bike and get it to the side of the road, because it was leaking gas and oil close enough to us to be a hazard. They did and soon the paramedics were there. I gave the paramedic a quick assessment and a police officer a quick description.

I went back to my car and started home. And as I drove, I realized that during the whole scenario, I felt nothing. It wasn't that adrenaline fight or flight detachment, it was the fact that I felt nothing. Watching the accident didn't cause me to feel anything. The blood, the screaming, the paramedics; nothing. I just felt annoyance and disgust with society as a whole. If people were a little less self-absorbed and worried a little more about the world around them, this wouldn't have occurred. I thought that maybe I should feel bad for feeling nothing, but that didn't do anything for me. Sometimes, it still doesn't.