When I Died

when I died, you found me
you knelt and wept.
lying prone over my lifeless, bloody body
you tried to give me your life force
but it was too late.
my soul was gone.
I watched you in agony
of hurt and self-blame
my blood on your hands?
no, you were innocent.
they took me away
manipulated my deadness
tried to make me pretty
(though I wasn't in life).
darkness enclosed me
but I felt the flowers
red roses to show your love
with thorns to show your pain.
I heard you sigh,
"I guess she's at peace now."

I blink at the pills in my left hand
the razor in my right.
I remember you
and how you've loved me
as they fall to the floor.
my anguish hasn't left me
but I don't want to leave you
and so I take one step back
then turn and walk away.
I fumble as I punch the numbers.
"Suicide Hotline, don't hang up!"
and I smile. Just a bit.