When Divorce Hurts Too Long

When Divorce Hurts Too Long

A book called - When Divorce Hurts Too Long -OUCH - Wallowing in Post Marital Stress (PMS). was published in 2010 and addresses a disorder referred to as Post Marital Stress Disorder. The author describes the reasons for writing the book as: 1) too many people wallow, pathologically, in pain, remorse and self-pity for too long following a divorce or break-up, 2) there are three underlying mental health issues causing this delayed divorce recovery that can be changed and 3) taking action to address the underlying mental health issues is critical for a return to a healthy quality state of mental health.

Mental Health Issues

The three critical mental health issues sustaining Post Marital Stress (PMS) include: low self-esteem, an unhappy and insecure psychic inner-child and an immature understanding of love and what it looks and feels like. The book contains a Post Marital Stress (PMS) Disorder Scale which includes 28 items for assessing whether someone is exhibiting Post Marital Stress Disorder, or is evidencing a typical level of sadness and preoccupation with their divorce or the break-up of a long-term relationship.

PMS Scale

If an individuals' PMS Scale score verifies they do not have PMS, and they are in a normal developmental adjustment period, strategies are provided to help them continue to move toward good post marital mental health. If an individuals' PMS Scale score verifies they are exhibiting mental health symptoms related to Post Marital Stress Disorder, the book takes them through a systematic process of learning about what mental health issues are a part of PMS and strategies are provided for them to learn how to end the pain of divorce or a break-up.

PMS Workbook

The book - When Divorce Hurts Too Long - OUCH: Post Marital Stress Disorder (PMS) is a workbook. It is not an in-depth treatise on divorce, mental health or divorce recovery. The workbook weaves together basic information on self-esteem, the inner-child and love and integrates ideas and strategies an individual can use to help increase their self-esteem, the security of their inner-child and their understanding about love.

This book can be a quick read consisting of 93 pages, but this is not how it is intended to be used. The book has been developed with activities that specifically and systematically lead an individual to a higher level of understanding about how their mental health significantly affects their quality of life. Furthermore, the book describes how individuals are responsible for their personal healing. This healing is achieved through understanding what is keeping them stuck, accepting responsibility for being stuck and making a firm commitment to change.

In reality, picking up the book and thinking there is a magic quick "pill" for good mental health and a happy life is unrealistic. An individual developed the mental health characteristics that characterize Post Marital Stress Disorder over a lifetime. It won't take a lifetime to undo or reshape these characteristics, but it will take time. The amount of time varies individual to individual and the strength of their motivation to change. Perseverance is the key. Making a commitment to work on at least one strategy a day is a start. It may take 6 months to feel better or 6 years. It all depends on just how committed to change one is and how much change is needed.

There is no doubt the mental health strategies included in this book are good for everyone, whether or not they have PMS. Everyone has room to improve their self-esteem, the security of their inner child and their ability to love another person in a healthy and life giving manner.