When Does My Business Become Your Business?

If we ponder the word "private," as in the case of most words with numerous implications, we are likely to identify definitions for this word that are as varied as the people who use it. The most basic definition of private is to be derived from its opposite - public. But my inquiry as to the origins of privacy and private uncovered quantity of entities that relate to the concepts of privacy.

We have private schools, private corporations, private foundations, private rooms, private hospitals, private health insurance and private networks. Private law regulates relationships between individuals. Private income is that which is derived from sources other than employment, such as investments. We also have private banking, a concept with somewhat more distinction than many of the other private commodities.

My inquiry began with curiosity about "privacy," a noun derivative of the adjective "private." Given the fact that I may be more squeamish about the protection of my privacy than others, I ponder over the most obvious and not so obvious violations of my right to privacy. I also admit to reacting strongly to violation of the privacy of others.

Tiger Woods is an excellent example of my outrage. By no means do I believe that there was anything right or defensible to what occurred recently with respect to reports of infidelity. But I simultaneously believe that whatever my opinion, judgment or conclusion about it must stay my own, without benefit of moralizing, sermonizing or pious pontification. By my stage in life, I am certain that no-one really cares on what side of my moral fence Tiger putts. But more importantly, when do his so-called transgressions appropriately fall outside the realm of public scrutiny?

Do not venerate Tiger for what he's done, by any means. But don't paint the scarlet "A" on his chest and deny him his stature as perhaps the greatest golfer of all time. Back off, please. He knows what he's done and to give him some space and time without Letterman and Leno attacks will not doom us to everlasting inferno.

Some of the privacy issues are indeed situational. My corporate experience suggests that men are usually unwilling or incapable of participating in the violation of privacy that is intrinsic to cubicles. I have discovered that they often stare idly at their computer screens or answer endless phone calls from their wives in lieu of discussing the whom, what and where of corporate gossip. But the activities of many women more than compensate for the male oblivion.

I am always amused at the skill with which it is justified either to themselves or to the person whose privacy is violated. Sometimes I wonder if there is time dedicated to this rationalization. It generally goes like this: "I wasn't trying to hear what you were saying on the phone but you know there's no privacy here anyway." Another version is more blatant: "I couldn't help but hear you say that..... I didn't realize that this was true." If caught listening to someone's dinner plans: "Gee, I didn't realize that you hang at Joe's Bar and Grill. How are their prices?"

Do we tacitly subscribe to eavesdropping when we move into the cubicles? I think not. Is there an innuendo of others wanting to know more about anyone in the vicinity, whether it be for lack of interest in their own lives or for the purposes of leveraging information? I believe so.

The question occurs: What do you gain by knowing where I eat, where I bought my jacket or when will my son be arriving from Los Angeles? Obviously, the answer is nothing. Most subtly, what impact does that have on your life unless you need to or want to know more about me. I've thought about this a great deal and have concluded that it is no way associated to the amount of information that is currently available about anyone to the general public. As a person who keeps thoroughly to myself, I find it amusing that the nosiest of busybodies keep a distance from me, not out of respect for my request for solitude but for fear of something. It may be an abrupt answer short of "it's none of your business" or it may be a self-declared lack of interest (true or untrue). Unlikely that I'll ever know.

But for most others, it's open season on asking questions. Where are you going for dinner? What did you think of so-and-so's remarks at the meeting? (These generally have no association with business but more for accumulating data for character assassination.) When do you think so-and-so will be back from maternity leave? Do you think that her husband makes enough money so that she doesn't have to come back?

There are solutions for this form of privacy invasion, some overt and some covert. I am certain that staying to myself and concentrating on the performance of my work discourages if not eliminates my being sucked into the gossip funnel. It also allows some distance from the junk and personality attacks. By no means am I innocent of corporate mistakes along the way. I have requested being moved from the vicinity of this person or that, a sad commentary on my discretion. But so far in my career, I have no apologies for privacy violations committed.

My basic definition for private versus public resurfaces. Private refers to that which is not public. But have these distinctions disappeared forever? What events or conditions have depleted or deprived us of privacy? Availability of information is the immediate answer.

Review the internet on the subject of privacy and you'll likely get 390,000 hits on Google. In some ways, this is an excellent situation, one that is to be celebrated. For those of us who spent thousands of hours in the reference libraries during our high school and college years, the ease with which we can do research is a formidable improvement. With the gain, however, comes a loss. At any given moment, I can check my bank balance, my portfolio, my genealogy, my credit report, my flight arrival, my Facebook friends and my college transcripts.

The frequency of identity theft occurrences is testimony to the ease of gathering information. My recollections of days gone by with paper checks and the Reader's Guide to Periodic Literature do not include identity theft except on very rare occasions. In essence, we have traded ease of information access for the ability to keep our lives (and all their associations) to ourselves.

If solutions are available, they are certainly global rather than specific to one individual. Privacy violations take many forms and may have to be diverted or dissolved according to the nature of the infraction. Many years ago I came to terms with my limited ability to impact society on a grand basis. It was a sad lesson to discover that the world would go on with or without me, very much without change. However, growing up in the sixties prevents me from using that limited footprint as an excuse from the act of making change so here are the solutions that I present for the flagrant disrespect for my privacy.

To the callers soliciting pick ups of discarded items, charitable contributions, cable service or alarm systems: I never requested that you contact me. Although I appreciate the fact that you are dedicated to what you do or staunch in your beliefs, I really don't want to hear from you. If I want to make a charitable contribution, send unused items or wire my home to discourage burglars, I'll be in touch.

To the spam generators: For reasons beyond my control, you have managed to get my email address without my permission. If you were sending mail to my mailbox at home I could throw it away and be somewhat convinced that I won't hear from you in a while. But when you clog up my email box with your junk (some of which is totally unsavory), you keep reappearing like long -lost, financially-depressed third cousins. Please remove me from your mailing list. I don't want performance drugs, surgical enhancements or advanced degrees that can be purchased for a small sum. If I could generate a do-not-mail list similar to a do-not-call list, you would be on it.

To parents: We are the primary role models for our children and for many years prior to venturing out on their own, our children will continue to emulate your behavior. Please keep this influence in mind when you rant and rave about the neighbor's shabby clothes or unkempt yard. They may be doing the best they can on a fixed income and serious arthritis. The action that is better taught - an act of kindness. Why don't we take Mrs. Grinch some soup or cookies and see what we can do to improve their lives.

I have been saying for many years that any day that I can get out of bed and put two feet on the ground without assistance is a good day. So by no means are my remarks intended to be doom-and-gloomish, with sad expectations for the future of our world. Nor do I have all the answers or pretend to be an expert on virtually anything. What I can say with certainty, however, is that I have a firmly rooted sense of what I believe to be right and not right. Lampooning Tiger is (to me)not right, regardless of his recent past. Distributing potentially damaging remarks about anyone is rarely if ever justifiable. If we hope to leave the world a better place than we entered it, we all have the potential to deposit more good than bad.

Protect my privacy and I'll return the action. We are both deserving of this respect. I promise that I won't tell about the plastic top that you took from the dime store as a kid and you can return the favor by not disclosing that I failed an algebra test in high school. The algebra test wound up having as much significance as the plastic top. What remain, however, are your integrity and mine and our ability to disclose or not disclose information as we choose. Someday I may need the protection that your integrity will provide. If not, there's no need apologizing for doing the right thing.