When Does Chatting Become Cheating?

Relationships today face many of the challenges that plagued our parents and their parents. Unfortunately, they also face many new challenges, the likes of which past lovers never had to consider. The most obvious of these is the cyber threat.

Sure it's easy to say that a person who desires to be unfaithful will, regardless of the circumstances. Even without the Internet a cheater will find a way to cheat. What about the other type of person? The type of person that feels like flirting with complete strangers hundreds of miles away isn't really cheating. There are millions of people like this. Each and every day, spouses and significant others are logging on at work, at home, in the park, in the basement...anywhere possible just to be able to harmlessly flirt with strangers. And, they see nothing wrong with it.

Is there? Is it wrong to seek out the attention, the affection, the adoration, or the spontaneity that everyone needs to feel appreciated and desired? On some levels the chance chat every now and then can be totally harmless and may even spice up your relationship. On the other hand, if you find yourself or your beloved chatting daily, there may seriously be cause for concern. If you need to evaluate whether chatting is getting out of control, there are a few things to consider.

Does the chatting seem secretive? Usually, when people feel they are wrongdoing, there is a natural reaction to hide or cover up the indiscretion. If you walk into the room or try to glance at the screen, do they panic? Are they constantly closing out the chat window or shutting down the messenger all together, so that you can't see what's being said. Does the chatting or "computer time," usually occur at periods of the day when you are likely to be asleep, at work, doing chores, or anything else that would keep you away? If your significant other is down in the basement or up in the attic at 3:00 am, you really need to take a critical eye at what may be going on right under your nose. If your lover is chatting at work, this may be much more difficult to discover.

Watch their reaction to inquiries about their computer use or chatting. People with things to hide have obvious signs. Do they stutter, stall, or look into the shy, when answering questions? Are they irrationally defensive, and screaming over a simple inquiry? Is it a classic case of question avoidance? If you can always easily spot when your honey is lying, this part will be easy. The most important thing to remember here is to ask questions and evaluate the answers. If you know they are chatting, ask questions about the person on the other end. How much do they know about each other? Are they on a screen name or first name basis? Where do they live? If you're their chat buddy lives in driving distance you may want to put the Kybosh on this before it goes too far, if it hasn't already.

Has the attitude toward you changed? If you are starting to notice a shift in the way you are being viewed, treated, or talked to, this is also cause for concern. Therefore, pay attention to the little things. The subtle change in your significant other's actions, reactions, or lack thereof. If they start substituting "couple time" for computer time, be very afraid.

The scary thing about "cyber-friendships" is that they can start off harmless, and develop over time into relationships. So, in reality you are being squeezed out by a competition that you didn't even know existed.

If you have your suspicions, and your sweetie isn't able to ease these gut feelings, it's time to go all CSI on them. You now have to find the time to be alone with the laptop or computer and investigate. But, be warned; you may be setting yourself up to find out things that you aren't ready to know.