When the Dreams Don't Come True for Right Now

Recently I was talking with a good friend, who was upset. This person was in tears the previous two days.

This person could not believe that life had turned out the way it did.

I ran up against that wall 1095 days ago, when I knew that life would not ever be as expected.

My life actually turned out the opposite image of my friend Rich. We met in college, and he had planned for his life to be carefree and unencumbered. He had no trouble meeting woman and his idea was to just keep meeting a good variety of them. Forever.

Me? I thought my life would take a more traditional path. Get a job; get married; have some kids.

I ended up living what most thought to be Rich's carefree life, though it was anything but

Early on Rich at about age 22 met his first wife. They married, and we closed down the business we had started.

I went to work for an airline, saw a bit of the world.

He worked first in clothing retail and then for a computer retailer, which has led to his current position in IT in a school district.

Along the way he had three kids and one divorce. And a second marriage.

I ended up holding his hand (not figuratively) during that. He was worried that his kids would hate him. He had three girls, one of whom is my godchild. I told him to wait ten years and see. Ten years is a lifetime if you think you are being hated by your kids.

Recently he had a big birthday and his three girls were on the couch with him, smiling for a picture I was taking.. I was right. He was a good father and deserved his daughers' love.

It was bittersweet for me, however. My last, best chance at ever having a semblance of a normal American life disappeared 1095 days ago, when the "love" of my life told me New Year's Day that she was seeing someone else (on the sly for months) and that it was over. We had spent 16 years together.

She had found someone else while I was traveling for work.

Even though I was older, I had hoped that we would still get married, and if we had a kid, so be it.

So when I saw my friend Rich sitting on the couch with his family surrounding him, I have to admit I was jealous. I will never have that.

The year is coming to an end. It's been 1095 days (on January 01) since I found out that my life was never going to be like I thought. I went through the depression, the anger, the acceptance.

I guess we make plans. We have our hopes. We want what we see so many others have. We (I) don't understand when someone like a Drew Peterson manages to get married four times, and loses two wives to strange circumstances. It just doesn't seem fair.

But life isn't fair.

Life is what it is.

I wish it were different for my friend.

I wish it were different for me.

It's not.

I will go on to where ever the road takes me. So will my friend.

I still have hope.

We still have hope.