When to End a Friendship

For many people ending a friendship can be as emotionally draining as ending a romantic relationship. You still lose someone with whom you have countless in-jokes. You may live or have lived together and must leave that closeness in the past. Just as in a relationship, your former friendship leaves a hole in your life where there once was a source of emotional support. But there are many reasons why you may have to take a break from a close friend or cut ties altogether.

If your friend always makes you feel bad about yourself, it may be time to end the friendship. Maybe she makes fun of you and then turns it around on you when you complain, saying you can't take a joke or you are too uptight. A friend worth keeping would agree to stop behavior you feel is cruel whether or not she meant to be joking.

Maybe your friend constantly complains of not liking your spouse or children and invites you to events but not your family. This can make you feel awful because in excluding your family your friend implies you chose the wrong mate or didn't raise your children correctly.

If your friend tries to make you feel like you should find a new job and constantly crows with pride about hers, she is belittling you by criticizing your major life decisions. If you complain about your job then she had a right to suggest that you do something else. But if you like your job and she tries to get you to quit in favor of something she wants you to do, such as one of those direct sales operations so many people bother their friends with, maybe it is time to put some distance between you.

When your friend is jealous of all your other friends and makes you choose between hanging out with her and hanging out with them, that is a definite red flag. Attempts to isolate you are tantamount to emotional abuse and may be followed by other forms of abuse; one of the first stages of spousal abuse is to isolate your spouse from friends and family and attempts by a friend may be similar in their efforts to control you.

If your friend steals from you then you have to make a huge decision to make as to whether to end the friendship. On one hand, you might want to stick by her so she can feel support in getting the help she obviously needs. On the other, your trust may be so broken that you never get it back. A similar but less serious infraction of the rules of friendship is when she takes a secret and uses it against you by telling other people about it. This is the same thing as stealing because she has fenced stolen information.

What if your friend has an affair with your spouse or significant other? You cannot blame your friend and absolve your spouse of guilt, yet this is what usually happens. Ask yourself if you would give your cheating spouse another chance after he cheated. The answer to this question may determine whether you will eventually be able to trust your friend again.

Finally, if your friend is physically violent with you, you have to get away from her. If your friend is also your relative this may be difficult to do; sisters for example sometimes fight even when they are grown. If this is the situation you can intervene through other family members to help her get some anger management. But if your friend is a roommate and hits you, or is your boss, you need to find a new place or a new job. In this case the help for your friend's problem may have to come through the police.

Nobody likes to end a friendship but sometimes it is simply necessary. There are many ways to accomplish it ranging from confrontation to writing a letter to simply ceasing to take her calls. Although complete silence may sound like a cowardly way out, it is your decision how to end the friendship and no one else's opinion really matters. Remember that the end of a friendship is a traumatizing event similar to the end of a relationship and give yourself time to mourn. After some time start pursuing outside interests you enjoy and you will meet others. While you may never fill the gap left by your former friendship you will enrich your life in other ways. The world is full of people and you will find another friend.