When Your Family Hates Your Spouse
If your family hates your spouse, you might feel betrayed, conflicted, angry and hurt, which is all perfectly normal. You can't understand why your family doesn't love your spouse just as much as you do. Hours are spent trying to pinpoint what your spouse might have done to deserve your family's wrath, and you're even more disappointed when you can't think of anything.
The most important thing to remember is that, in most cases, your family is looking out for your best interests. They want you to be safe, happy, loved and content, which means that your spouse must be as wonderful as you. Since your family is automatically partial to your particular characteristics, your spouse may simply not measure up in their eyes.
Give It Time. Your family might hate your spouse now, but given time, they might come around. Let your family get to know your spouse in multiple situations, and make sure they have some one-on-one time to chat. It might be difficult at first, particularly if your family is being childish about it, but this might be the only way to let your family see how wonderful your spouse is.
Don't Tell Your Spouse. Your spouse might be able to intuit that your family isn't exactly warm, but there's no reason to vocalize the fact that your family hates your spouse. Instead, assure your hubby that your family is just concerned about you and that they'll get over whatever problems they have in time. It's the best you can do, but there's no reason to make your spouse feel bad.
Toot Your Spouse's Horn. Whenever you spend time with your family alone, make sure to tell them about how your spouse saved a boy from a burning building or spent last weekend building houses for the homeless. Even if your stories are less heroic, any positive spin you can put on the situation will be helpful. Just don't make up stories to make your spouse seem better - it never ends well.
Start Your Family. You can't always be concerned about the fact that your family hates your spouse. You have your own family to think about now - you and your spouse and any children you might have. If your family can't see how great your husband or wife is, then they'll just have to live with it.
This might be a trying time for everyone, but you have to make decisions that are right for you. Even if you're close with your family, they have to let you pave your own way through life.
Published by Steve Thompson
Steve is a full-time freelance writer. In addition to the more than 3,000 articles he's written for AC, he has also written articles and other materials for more than 100 happy clients. He enjoys writing abo... View profile
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4 Comments
Post a Commentmy husband lost his job and came to work for my family busness. he was always very close to them until working there and problems started. the workers we have there are horrendously mean, thieves and low lives..i am not afraid or ashamed to admit it. my familty memebers know this as well. but when someone new comes in people always give them hell.. family who should be backing my husband are now turning on him and are so cold ad mean to him becuase they are choosing to listen to horrible rumors.. people want him out becuase he is catching people doing things (bad things!) that shouldnt be happening! its so unbelieveable! i am staying away more from family. feel back stabbed.. he has done sooo much for my family and all of it seem sthrown out the window! hurt and angry every day..hes trying very hard to move to another job.
I have the same problem, my husband treats my family as if they are his own. when my family moved to another house he is the one who has done all the job for moving. he also bought everything they needs there, TVs, Sattellites, everything for decoration in his own money. but my family still dont like him. He is still being patient because he loves me and they just dont stop insulting him and hurt his feeling. i tried more than once to stop this but i couldnt. if i do talk to them about it they get mad and start to hurt him. my problem is that our culture is really difficult i hv to stay in my families house untill we do the wedding party . means we are married but the wedding party is not yet done. i hv to stay away of him untill we do the party then i can move to live with him. but during this time we see each others in my family house. all i'm worried about is that he hates them before i move with him.
god i never thought that i'll be between those two.. its really hard to get ma
I have this problem!!! I have tried for 3 years to toot my husband's horn and get my family to come around, but they have not.
My husband knows because my family tells other people they don't like him (we live in a small town)
It is awful.
I told my family to accept him or I was not going to be around them.
It has been 3 months & I have not seen them!
It is terrible to have to make such a choice, the the conflict, rumors and stress were eating at me, my husband and my marriage.
This isn't something I'm very familiar with, but I remember getting bad vibes from one of my stepdaughters' new husband. After I had left Tennessee, he disappeared and took their baby daughter with him. The FBI caught up with him in New York before he got a chance to sell her to an adoption racket leader.