When Family Members Live Far Away

Even when family members live close, kids sometimes get confused about the relationships. When extended families live far away, it becomes even more confusing and is harder to keep connected. Our years as a military family presented us with the challenges of helping our kids build relationships with relatives and finding ways to stay close while living thousands of miles apart. A little creativity and a conscious effort made it possible.

Plan short, yet frequent, telephone conversations with loved ones. Kids may or may not cooperate on phone calls for long, and toddlers aren't usually capable of carrying on very interesting conversations. My 5-year-old has moments when she'll talk the ear off of whoever's on the other end of the phone (usually when it's bedtime). Other times, it's a simple, "Hi. I love you. Bye." I don't force it, because I know she'll speak to that loved one again in a few weeks. If you push too hard for children to talk when they don't feel like it, they may start to resent the phone calls instead of looking forward to them.

Make a family book to help kids learn and remember family members they don't see often. When my daughter was small she had a hard time keeping all the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins straight. To help her learn and remember them, I made a small "People Who Love Me" book for her that included a photo of each family member, his or her name, and a drawing of something she associated with the person.

Help kids share CDs, videos, and mini movies with their loved ones. Encourage grandparents and other family members who are far away to do the same for the children. It's a great way for children to remember the faces and voices of relatives they are separated from. My husband deployed overseas with the military when my older daughter was 2. I made weekly videos and tape recordings of her to share with him while he was away. I also encouraged him to make videos for her to watch of him reading her favorite books, teaching her colors and shapes, and just talking to her. It made the transition much easier on my daughter when he returned.

Trade care packages, photos, and letters via mail to stay connected with distant relatives and learn more about each other. Kids love sending and receiving postcards, pictures, notes, and packages from their faraway loved ones. Involve the children in the processes of selecting, making and wrapping the care packages and cards you send. They'll learn the likes and dislikes of family members and take a more active part in the relationship. My kids and I often make small gift baskets and send them to family members. Not only do they get excited to receive mail and packages, the girls also look forward to selecting special items they know will be appreciated and creating their own crafts and artwork to share with their family members.

Take advantage of computers, web cams, and other technology to keep in touch. All the social network sites, chat programs, web cameras, online photo sites, email programs, and Internet conference call services that are now available make it much easier to communicate regularly with distant friends and family members. Even when your children are too young to have accounts of their own, you can use them together as a family. Kids that may not cooperate for telephone calls may be more apt to participate in conversations over the computer. Even young children can be involved in supervised family conference calls or video chats via web cams with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Whether near or far, family relationships require work to maintain. Staying close when loved ones are far away is a challenge, but it possible and very worthwhile.

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