When God Says No-A Christian's Thoughts on the Death of a Loved One

There is always a certain sadness and heaviness of spirit when we lose someone close to us. A friend of mine died last week after a 7-month battle with cancer. She was a young 30-year old mother with a two year old daughter and a husband who is understandably devastated. Why did God allow her to die? Why didn't He heal her? If He is benevolent and understanding as we say He is, why did He allow something like this to happen to someone so young? Why did He say no to our prayers for healing?

It is natural for us to ask these kinds of questions. Anytime we lose someone who we adore, who has been such a bright source of light and encouragement in our lives, it is understandable to question whether God made a mistake. Yet, do not think that the Lord is ignorant of our feelings. He is "touched with the feeling of our infirmities" just as we are (Heb. 4:15). God knows what's best, not only for our loved one, but for us as well. He sees a bigger picture than we do. He knew how much she was suffering. He knew what her final thoughts were. And He heard each prayer we prayed in her behalf and He did answer-according to His will.

Healing is not always just apply to the physical body. Healing can be on a much deeper level than we might consider. So often when Christ healed the infirmed, His concern was for their spiritual well-being as much as their physical healing, because He knew the importance of their soul salvation. If your loved one has been healed spiritually, that is, if they have connected with the God of Life and have accepted Him as their Lord and Savior, the death of the physical body is no longer the priority. This is why Jesus calls death a sleep, because He knows that from this death we will rise when He comes again.

Sometimes as Christians, this seems difficult to understand and we are still fretful because the person died. The part that is difficult (and it shouldn't be), is that we want God to answer our prayers for healing our way. We may pray for His will to be done but we find ourselves questioning Him when things don't turn out as we expect them to. God needs us to understand that the death of our loved one is for the benefit of all of us. As the pain of it impacts us, we can come to Him for a stronger faith, a deeper understanding of His graciousness and His wisdom. He will always use these times of sorrow to increase our trust in Him if we allow Him to.

Grieving takes time and there can be many reasons for our grief, but several I would like to consider for a moment. First of all, we grieve because death is an aberration; it is not something that should have ever been. When God created man and woman, He did so with the intent that we would live forever. We were not created to die but rather to live for eternity. He did not intend for us to struggle through an abbreviated, sinful life then die. That was not the plan. However, things changed once sin entered the world. Man then became sinful and subject to death. The problem with sin is that it always lead to death, thus man is always destined to die. And death strikes us all. It is not selective. Whether young or old, rich or poor, bond or free, the "wages of sin", or the price we pay for sin is still death (Rom.6:23).

Another reason we grieve so much is because of fear. Mankind has been afraid ever since he sinned. Sin entered the world as the result of man's poor choice. When God called Adam to speak with him after the offense, Adam said, "I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself" (Gen. 3:10, italics supplied). Fear does cause us to grieve. We are afraid of our own health and what the future might hold for our own lives. We turn our attention to the surviving family and are fearful for them as well. But God does not abandon His children in their hour of grief. He has promised to be with us, no matter what. "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness" (Isaiah 41:10).

A third reason we grieve is often because of guilt. It is natural to wonder, did we do enough for them while they were alive? We think of things that were said or should have been said. We reflect on times of laughter and song and wish those times could have been multiplied. We wish we had one more opportunity to invite them to lunch or tell them we love them. Now, in a fleeting moment of magnanimous thought we might even think we should have been the one that died instead, only to smoother that thought in the next selfish instant. We feel guilty too at being irritable and angry with God. We feel guilty for not having trusted God enough to accept His decision as to when that person's life should cease. All of these thoughts and feelings combine to make us grieve.

My friend had a strong relationship with God. She knew she was dying yet she never gave up hope. I believe she had resigned herself, probably from the time she first learned of her diagnosis, that she would accept whatever God permitted. Yes, she of course wanted to be healed. She wanted it desperately. She wanted to see her daughter grow up and wanted to continue in service for the Lord but she also wanted God's will to be done.

Therefore, I conclude that we should not resign ourselves to the sorrow. The sadness, heaviness and pain may be there today but it will fade in time. Besides, it is not our only option. We can always have hope in the second coming of Christ and the time when those who have died trusting in Him will be resurrected. The apostle Paul says, "But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope (1 Thes. 4:13). "For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord" (1 Thes. 4:16, 17).

We will see our loved one soon when Jesus returns, and when we see her she shall not have the strained, paleness of face, the weakened wretched body that she had when we last saw her. She will have the freshness, the beauty and the joy that only eternal life in Christ can bring. Yes, sometimes in this life, God has to say no, but if we hold onto our hope in our Redeemer, we can know for sure that God has done what is right and best for all involved.

"O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Cor. 15:55-57).

Sources:
Personal experience
All Scripture references from the King James Version of the Bible.