When Good Elves Go Bad

It is a sad but known fact in Santa's great book of Christmas that not all elves have always been good, honest and true. For once upon a very short time ago two rascal elves called Na'na and Nab came so close to ruining Christmas. Both worked in the Grotto Toy Sorting Department where it was decided who had been naughty and nice throughout the year.

All children were watched on a giant television screen so that Santa could decide who got their wishes granted. Here whilst pretending to be just like everyone else, hard working elves, Na'na and Nab plotted and schemed. Little did anyone in the grotto realise what was really going on in their minds. For these were not elves of good nature. They were bad! And when good elves go bad expect the very worse!

As ever on the last night before Christmas the grotto was in a mad state of panic. The sleigh had to be loaded, reindeers had to be fed, names of children checked and double checked so that everyone got the correct toys. A frantic Santa was running around with his clip board ticking off all the final tasks that had to be completed before he could finally board the magnificent Santa sleigh and go delivering presents. 'Come elves' he roared, his voice booming around the grotto.
'Time is short, work work, work'! Then his favourite saying. 'So many chimneys, so little time'!

Until the clock struck twelve there still remained much to do and countless thousands of elves rushed around in all directions, bumping into each other but then jumping back up immediately and carrying on. It was chaos but under the close watch of the Master elves, chosen by Santa himself for their ability to organise and get things done everything appeared to be running to schedule.

Best by far amongst these was a wonderful little elf called Button Nose. Loved and respected by all, Button Nose was Santa's most trusted elf, it was he whom Santa turned to whenever a crisis loomed. And come Christmas time in the grotto there was always something brewing! Button Nose had found himself called to the Toy Sorting Department where there were problems because two elves had mysteriously gone missing at this most important time. With all hands desperately needed elsewhere Button Nose felt nothing of rolling up his sleeves and helping the remaining elves out, quizzing them at the same time as to the names of their missing co-workers. 'Na'na and Nab', spoke up an elf , 'lazybones the pair of them', he added.

When told Button Nose felt a cold shiver go down his back. There had always been something about those two elves which bothered him.
'Hopefully' he had thought 'it is just my imagination'. But Button Nose was rarely wrong on these hunches and he was to prove correct again. Double trouble and strife was set to descend on Santa's Grotto.

Word had reached Santa Claus that the problems in the Toy Sorting Department were under control and barring complete disaster they would be ready with five minutes to spare. This gave him ample time to thank everybody for their efforts before making a traditional Christmas, spectacular take off! Sleigh bells ringing proud, Reindeers galloping , magic dust twinkling like a million stars in their wake and an extra jolly burst of 'ho, ho ,ho'! How he loved his job. Suddenly Santa felt a tugging on his coat. He turned round and there stood Po the Reindeer keeper.

'Santa', pleaded Po. 'Please come quick there is a terrible problem with my reindeers'! 'What on earth is it'? asked an anxious Santa, totally taken back by the look of sheer terror on Po's face. 'We can't wake them up' said Po. 'Santa please don't shout at me but I think they are drunk'! And then the great man with the white beard screamed:........What '!!!

Santa Clause rushed across to the reindeer stables to see for himself and there they were, the pride of the Grotto: Dasher, Dance, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and of course Rudolph. All fast asleep, snoring heavily and with half daft smiles on their faces. 'Jumping jelly frogs and crabsticks' bellowed Santa, I do believe my reindeers are drunk'! It wasn't only Rudolph who had a red nose they all had one! The reindeers were out for the count with absolutely no chance of being able to race around the world carrying Santa and his millions of presents. By this time word had spread across the Grotto with thousands of elves stopping work and gathering at the stables to witness the incredible scenes of the drunken reindeers. 'How is Santa going to drive the sleigh'? many were asking.

'All our hard work for nothing', others moaned. 'Who do these reindeers think they are'? Santa Claus knew he had to act fast, he called for Button Nose and handed him a whistle and the much prized Orange bobbly hat. 'Call out the elf soldiers' said Santa, 'I am putting you in charge. Find out what on earth has gone on'? Never had Button Nose been more proud for the orange bobbly hat was the most important honour that Santa could bestow on any elf. Feeling ten feet tall he blew on the whistle and almost immediately two hundred soldier elves marched into the Grotto main square. They clicked their heels, stood smartly to attention and to an elf saluted Button Nose who returned their greeting before giving his one and most important order. For he had no doubt who was responsible for this most horrible crime. 'Soldiers of the Grotto, Santa Claus is relying on us. Find Na'na and Nab'!

But despite the soldiers searching the Grotto from top to bottom the two elves were nowhere to be found. However under their beds the reindeer's warm milk and a pile of empty beer bottles was discovered confirming beyond any doubt that Button Nose had been right once again. It was Na'na and Nab who had swapped the reindeers warm milk for dirty beer. With a heavy heart he reported back to Santa Claus that those responsible for getting the reindeers drunk were two of his own elves.

It was three hours to midnight and as Santa and Button Nose looked at each other the thought came to them both that unless a miracle occurred Christmas was no more. 'Come Button Nose' spoke Santa, patting his most trusted elf on the shoulder. 'Let us go and consult the Great book of Christmas because in there lies our solution'. Off they both hurried to Santa's house for time was short.

Meanwhile, not far away:

Deep in the icy midst of Lapland's snow mountain Na'na and Nab were hiding in a cave. They sat warming their hands over a fire and sniggering at their nasty deed. 'I can just imagine Santa's face when he finds out the reindeers are drunk'! Said Na'na. 'All those years we spent working in the Toy Sorting Department', sneered Nab 'and what did we ever get for it? An extra mince pie at Christmas, that's what. Who cares about children, presents, good will and all that pap. What say you Na'na', shrieked Nab! The two bad elves shook hands and then broke into a song :

'Our Names are Na'na and Nab,
And we have made Santa so mad,
So look at our faces, remember our names:
Because we are what happens when good elves go bad'!

And they sang, sang and sang...............

Santa's fingers flicked furiously through the great book of Christmas. 'It has to be here somewhere', he said almost to himself as Button Nose stood nearby, wishing he could just do something, anything to help his boss. Mrs Claus entered the room with some warm milk and mince pies for both. 'Come Santa and Button Nose, you must eat to keep your strength up. And then Mrs Claus said something that would save Christmas. 'I have cut each of you a lovely clean carrot to go with your mince pi..., but before she could finish Santa Claus roared out, 'Magical rainbows and sweet sucking lollypops'! My gosh Mrs Claus you have got it'!

He gave her a huge hug and kiss on the cheek for by total accident Mrs Claus had reminded Santa of an old rule in the Great book that could help resolve their problem. He quickly browsed through and there it was, written many Christmas's ago, but undoubtedly what they had been looking for.
An excited Santa read out loud: 'If any elf should stop the reindeers doing their job on Christmas eve by giving them dirty beer they must feed them a carrot whilst repeating the following:

'Our names are Na'na and Nab,
And we have done something so bad.
But now it is time for a little Christmas love,
For this is what happens when bad elves go good'.

Amazing ! Even way back then the Great Book of Christmas knew the names of the bad elves who many years later would cause such trouble. Button Nose looked at Santa Claus in jaw dropping astonishment, but Santa simply smiled and said: 'Never ever underestimate the power of the Great book of Christmas'.
'Right then' he continued, before straightening Button Nose's orange bobbly hat. 'Go find me Na'na and Nab'.

Once more Button Nose blew on his whistle: 'Soldier elves of the grotto, we go to find Na'na and Nab'. Then he added rather hopefully: 'Anyone got a clue where they might be'? Suddenly from the ranks a lone elf voice spoke up: 'In big trouble when we get hold of them'! Everybody cheered, Button Nose smiled, then another elf shouted: 'They used to go fishing near where the polar bear lived'.

And off they marched with Button Nose proudly at their front through the Grotto gates. Santa and Mrs Claus watched them disappear around a mountain and out of sight. 'Good luck my elves' said Santa very quietly. Mrs Claus took his hand and gave it a big squeeze. 'Don't worry' she whispered into his ear. 'Always believe in the magic of Christmas Mr Claus'.

One hour remained to midnight.

It didn't take the elf soldiers long to find Na'na and Nab for annoyed at the bad elves stealing fish from his ice pond the polar bear pointed out exactly which cave they were hiding in. Led by Button Nose they crept into the cave to find them fast asleep. With no time to waste Button Nose blew hard on his whistle and Na'na and Nab awoke to find themselves surrounded by a host of very angry Soldier elves. 'Surprise, surprise' shouted Button Nose'!
'Time to come home', he said, wearing his most serious face. Suddenly without any further ado Na'na and Nab were dragged kicking and screaming all the way back to the grotto.

They were taken straight away to the reindeer stables where Santa was pacing up and down, totally fed up with the whole situation. Button Nose led Na'na and Nab towards him and Santa was determined not to get annoyed. Very calmly, placing both hands on his hips and standing over the bad elves he said:
'And what have you got to say for yourself'? Still furious at being found Na'na decided he would be rude to Santa Claus. He pulled out his tongue and blew Santa a very big raspberry with Nab quickly doing the same! And so we had the crazy scene of twenty minutes before midnight two bad elves pulling their tongues out at Santa Claus whilst the rest of the Grotto watched on open-mouthed waiting for Santa's reaction.

'Enough'!! He roared, 'Now listen to me you pair of horrible nasty elves'. Never had Santa's Grotto heard Santa Claus speak in this manner before. 'You two have caused me bundles of trouble and strife. But it stops Now'! To each he handed a bunch of carrots and a piece of paper Then he picked the pair of them up, one in either hand and placed them into the reindeer stables. Not even daring to look at Santa with him in such a fury Na'na and Nab did as ordered and fed the reindeer whilst reading the words off the paper given to them.

'Our names are Na'na and Nab,
And we have done something so bad.
But now it is time for a little Christmas love,
For this is what happens when bad elves go good'

And then to the absolute delight of all except Na'na and Nab the reindeers began to awake. One after another a swift yawn, then up jumping around, eager to get back to work. 'My dear, sweet reindeers' smiled Santa. 'Welcome back'! The Grotto erupted in cheers as the elves threw their bobbly hats high into the air! As ever it was down to Santa to bring everybody back down to earth. 'Come elves', he shouted. 'There is only ten minutes to midnight and we still have jobs to complete'.
And then he started to quote his most famous saying!'So many chimneys', but before he could finish the entire Grotto did it for him. To an elf and Mrs Claus they chorused:

'So little time'!

On the stroke of midnight normal service was resumed with Santa's sleigh sweeping majestically through the heavens. Against the backdrop of a jet black sky twinkling with stars Dasher, Dance, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and of course Rudolph leading the way with his shiny red nose, Santa Claus was again making children's dreams come true. As the Grotto waved him on his merry way Mrs Claus began a jolly Christmas sing-song. And all joined in except Na'na and Nab who went straight to bed dreading Santa's return.

'Merry Christmas' said Button Nose, with a big grin on his face as they both walked past him! Then he could not resist blowing them a huge raspberry! Na'na and Nab said nothing for they were in enough trouble.From now on they would be good elves....... At least for the time being!

THE END : .

John Ludden: cfieldsoffire@aol.com