When it Hurts too Much

Everyone has a need and a want to be loved and accepted, to be with that one special person who will be your soul mate, your soft place to land, your best friend, and your prince charming.

We are bombarded with fairy tales before we know what romance is, we play with dolls and play weddings with them and everyone lives happy ever after which is what we grow up looking and needing this feeling of finding your prince and living happily ever after, having what our parents did or didn't have.

We eventually find that special person, who treats us as we have always wanted to be treated, friends are so jealous, family members love and accept them and our fairytale comes true and the search is over.

Then the little things happen, he doesn't like your friends, He always wants to know where you are and in the age of the mobile phone anyone can find you at anytime, anywhere (even in the toilet), he wants to be with you all the time, he, becomes possessive and jealous.

The arguments start blowing up over nothing and you find yourself compromising just for an easy life or for the argument to be over. The person apologizes saying that this won't happen again, I'm sorry, I don't know what happened, I overreacted, you shouldn't had made me so mad, and because out of shock or you believe him/her, you say sorry, or it's OK or I'll change.

A few months down the line, the only things that's changed is that things keep getting worse, you no longer recognize yourself in the mirror, you don't see your friends or family, everything in your life is about him and any dreams that you used to have or were going after have gone. If you put a foot out of turn, wear the wrong clothes, say thing wrong thing or in the wrong tone of voice, is an argument that will end up in violence. insults and everyday a little bit more of the person that you used to be dies with your self confidence, self esteem, self image.

You start lying in bed pretending to be asleep with tears running down your face, you can't let him know that you're crying as this will trigger off more abuse, you take the degrading insults, you go along with all his demands however ridiculous you think they are. You start to think, is this it? is this my life now and for the rest of my life?, it wasn't meant to be like this.

If you do get the courage to get out of the relationship and hide out at friends of family, and he finds you and begs you to come back, it will be different, I'm sorry, I've changed, I need you even things like "I'll kill myself if you don't come back. At this point you are that much under his control that you will go back and all his good intentions go down the toilet.

Things to think about...
You can't change him
This person has problems that no matter how much you try, you can fix by staying with him. you can't make things better by trying to do everything right, because nothing you do will ever be good enough. It's like living with an addict or alcoholic that refuses to believe they have a problem it can't be done.
Are you in love with him or the person you wish he was
One reason for people not getting out of abusive relationships is the belief that they are still in love with their partner, but just for a second ask yourself am I in love with this person, or am I in love with the person I thought he was when the relationship was new.
Is this life OK with you
Think of a time in your life when you knew who you were as a person, you had a good relationship with friends and family, apart from the normal everyday stresses, your life, family, career was going the way you wanted or like a lot of people you've haven't have the best life and people have been treating you like crap for so long that somewhere along it became OK with you, think of someone who is emotionally strong, happy with themselves and living life to the fullest and step into their shoes. Imagine yourself somewhere and your current partner comes up to you and treats you the way you are being treated at the moment. More than likely, you would run to the hills in the opposite direction.
You deserve so much more
You are a worthwhile human being, you have unique talents, abilities and outlook on life and so much to give to this world, you are a beautiful person both inside and out and you have inner courage and strength. This might make you feel uncomfortable reading this, but just go with it its true and you deserve the best things that life has to offer and you don't need to be with this person, your head has been filled with so much and its time to stop believing what has been put into you head. I would rather be alone and happy on the street, than living with an abusive partner.
You can make a fresh start
It's never too late to start again, to meet someone, to be happy. Like Dr Phil says Life isn't a dress rehearsal, Do you really want to get to the end of your life and as think back to what you have done in your life, how ripped off would you feel as you come up with excuses for not living and following your dreams.
This isn't a normal relationship
All relationships need work, it's not all hearts and flowers after all your blending the lives of two different people and sometimes they clash. Everyone argues but its how you argue which makes a difference, Don't get into the whole, I'm right, your wrong and I'll go straight for the throat to prove it, Don't keep things to yourself and bottled up then explode over small stuff, Learn to compromise,
Relationships when they work is based on friendship, love, respect, trust, honesty and its a 50/50 partnership

If you are in an abusive relationship and you know its time to get out, there are domestic violence help lines, woman's aid and so many more, and they will help you to escape and will give you with all the help you need, give them a call when you know its safe to do so, but do it soon and don't become another statistic. Just because, you're not getting smacked about, doesn't mean its not abusive, verbal, emotional and mental abuse can leave scars which can't be seen on the outside