"When Life Hands You Lemons..." What Do You Do?

I'm sure you've heard at least one of the following: "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade" or the less sober "when life hands you lemons, bust out the tequila and salt."

a) Make lemonade. So take something shitty and make it into something better. Seriously? Sounds like a shitty disney or ABC family movie. Fact of the matter is, some things can't be fixed, others just shouldn't be fixed. It's actually okay to give up on some things. Really, it is. Otherwise how do you see tomorrow's sunhine? Also, with this point, let me state that some people hate lemonade. I, for one, can't stomach it... literally.

b) When things suck, knock back a couple...or a baker's dozen. Yeah, that works. Far be it from me to say alcohol is the devil, but iIm also the last person to drink my problems away. Twelve shots of Cuervo and a trip down blackout lane won't make the person you miss go away. It won't make Jason quit fucking his ex, it won't make your boss see the marvel that you are, and it won't help you pay the bills. It'll reunite you with the toilet you've been separated from since the green jungle juice incident you had junior year at the prick you were hooking up with's big St. Patty's day bash. Yeah, maybe it'll keep you happy for a few hours (unless of course in the case of Bowling for Soup's 'last call casualty' - "five drinks in, i'm in love again..") but happiness is as fleeting as... hmmm, what's fleeting? That full glass you're holding. The way you're drinking away your problems, it'll be gone soon, i'm sure of this.

You'll have a good time with your distractions - booze & buds - maybe you'll even make out with the beer goggle special, but when you walk into your bedroom alone, I guarantee you it'll all come back. And, if you pass out before it does, lucky you, but it'll hit you twice as hard in the A.M. Plus you'll feel like shit and won't get anything done that day and, as if that isn't enough, you'll look like absolute shit. Life will continue to come at you, even if it didn't for a few hours the night before. I'm telling you... The other day, I was trying to watch Grey's Anatomy and the phone rang, so I put the tape on pause. Five minutes later it started playing again without me having taken it off pause. So I paused it again. Five minutes later, same deal. Put your life on pause with today's special : "skanks and dranks" but tomorrow will pick up right where you left off.

Then again, my way of thinking is... when life hands you lemons, just say no thanks and hand those fuckers back.

Life's too complicated to have to worry about getting one of those lemon squisher things and wasting time and energy getting every drop of that lemon into the cup. For what? Lemonade really isn't that great anyway. It just makes me thirstier and then what? You gotta get a whole new batch of lemons to go through it again? No thanks. Get lemon flavored propel and call it a day.