When You Lose a Loved Child ( Part 1 )

This morning started like any other. I came home from work, dropped my daughter off to school and went grocery shopping. As I carried in the groceries, the phone was ringing, so I placed the bags on the floor to answer. It was the voice of my sons step-grandmother, but the only thing I remember from that call are the words, " Robbie's dead ". The next thing I knew, I was on the floor and in my mind I am wondering where was this awful animal like howling was coming from? I don't know how long it was before I realized that the awful sound was coming from me but I could not stop. I remember looking up and seeing my then husband talking on the phone, but I didn't hear any words he was saying. Just the sound of the howling.

God has a way of taking over when you need him most. It really is true, when you see only one set of footprints in the sand, it's because God has carried you. I was no stranger to death. I had already buried another child Cory 20 yrs earlier, and Robs father ( Rob Sr ) in 1971 the week before Rob was born. God carried me through those times, and now he was here again giving me strength and taking my mind off myself and my grief enough to do what needed to be done. According to what my Ex had been told, Rob committed suicide. I tried calling Missouri police to get more information, but the details were still sketchy. I called my brother Doug to see if he could find out more. I had to notify my other children. Kelli was living 1500 miles away in Minnesota, Michael 1000 miles away in Illinois, and Tina whom I had just left two hours ago at school. How do you tell your children that not only is their brother is gone, but that he has taken his own life, especially when it has to be done over the phone. I don't know how I did it, I just know that I did. My ex-husband went to get Tina from school, while I called Kelli and Mike. I don't remember all the words, I only remember telling them that Rob must of had his reasons, and he's not suffering anymore. What we all needed to do now was make arrangements to meet in Illinois. If I didn't know anything else then, I knew Rob was going to be burried next to his father.

Some of my co-workers came to the house. I don't remember calling them and don't know how they found out. They were angels though, Jill was going to stay at my house and take care of my pets, and she sorted through pictures, so I would have some to take with me. Gwen was on the phone with our church and airlines,trying to find money for plane tickets. I took a long shower where I had a good cry, and before I knew it I was on the plane. I saw the peaople on the plane looking at me. I guess they could see I'd been crying. I could see they were feeling sorry for me, but I didn't want their sympathy, I wanted my son.

When we got to my sister Debbies house, I started making the calls to funeral homes, and setting up appointments for the next morning. Mike arrived and a few hours later Kelli. We stayed up most the night crying and wondering why this was all happening. Kelli spent part of the night in the emergency room, because my grandaughter Amy had fell and split her head open and needed stitches.

The next morning we went to a funeral home to make arrangements, but even in mourning you have to consider the finances, so we went to a second one that was better able to handle our needs. They would have Rob brought to them from Missouri. We hadn't been back at my sisters for long when the funeral home called and said that the coroner in Missouri, would not release Robs body..... Too Long , will write part 2