When Mommy is Also Daddy at Home

Whether it is by choice, after a divorce, separation, death of the spouse, job in another city or any other reason, there are a lot of mothers who go about motherhood without the deep voice and beard look figure in life and they are forced to play both roles at same time.

In the film Dancer in the dark, Salma (Bjork) is a single mother which uses all the savings product of her work and a limited financial life to operate her 13 year old son who inherited an illness that increases the propensity to blindness. As the film is a drama, its end is tragic, but throughout the story one can a get a good picture on the reality of women without a partner and how most of them give themselves entirely to raising their offspring.

Some, like the above mentioned character in the movie, venture themselves into motherhood because they decide not to miss the experience of bearing a child and because of this saying "I'm single mother" doesn't have the same stigma that this phrase had years ago.

However, in most cases the process of having a kid is not well planned and single moms end up being forced to seek more than one job, plus they also end up using all their free time to play with cars, dolls and sports, trying to give their children enough affection so they never feel like their part of a broken home.

According to family therapists and studies, most women in situations like this one end up depressed and some go to extremes of alcoholism, anorexia and bulimia. However, everything depends on the willingness of women and the aid they receive. Some are able to convert the negative or unwanted problems into something positive.

For those whose circumstances prevented them from ever reaching marriage or a union, the lack of planning, uncertainty and fear increases the emotional burden. But after years pass by and especially when they cope with the reality of being a single parent, women tend to develop maturity and emotional and economic stability often follows the process.

Greater emotional conflict comes when everything changes after having a partner, a home and family. Especially if the separation occurs due to a third person, women often fall into a deep depression and can develop episodes of hysteria. According to psychologists, frustrations of this kind follow with illnesses such as headaches, bulimia, anorexia, hypertension and gastritis. The blow is even harder when faced with the man's refusal to respond financially for the family and mostly when the woman has never worked.

If one becomes a single parent due to death of the spouse or partner, it is easier to accept and conform when the loss was caused by a disease or natural causes, than if it is because of other issues. However, psychologists say that in both cases there is often a deep depression accompanied by uncertainty, especially when there is no insurance that guarantees the economic provision.

It is important to be aware of the symptoms and emotions that accompany a situation like this one, knowing this can help the person cope better with the situation because they understand where these emotions are coming from. If a single mom doesn't know why she's developing certain illnesses she may blame herself and make things even worse.

It is important to understand that feeling depressed, sad, lonely is normal. But it is more important to do something about it when you see yourself in a position like this one. Whether it is therapy or having someone to vent with, you have to look for a way to release your thoughts and feelings in order to heal.

Being a single mom has many advantages that are often missed because the negative emotions that surround a breakup or loss of a partner or spouse. But you can restart, have a second chance at building something. Take advantage of the liberty that being single gives and look for a hobby, focus on your dreams. It's not the end, it is the beginning of a new episode in your life.

Single Moms, Resources for single moms, Single Moms