When Mothers Hate Mother's Day Gifts

I hate Mother's Day. It's the one holiday that makes me uncomfortable, but it's one of those things I could never tell my children, fearing they might think they are to blame. To me, Mother's Day is a holiday seeped in obligation. It's natural for a young child to want to make his or her mom happy with a hand-made Mother's Day present. Children take great pride in making presents on Mother's Day, but what if the mom hates presents that are hand-made? What does that tell the child?

Mother-daughter relationships are notorious for being rocky, but throw in bi-polar disorder and general mental illness, and you've got yourself a true living hell. This was life with my mom [sic]; Living in fear day to day and not knowing what kind of mood she would be in or whether or not I'd be beaten continuously for hours was a daily gamble in my life. However, as many people who had abusive parents can tell you, words and emotional abuse hurts more than beatings.

In our house, Mother's Day was a catch-22. If I made her a present like most young children do, she would get disappointed, frown, and dismiss it. She'd often say, "It's cute, but I don't want this. Why would I want something that looks like it was made by a Kindergartener?" I was in third grade around that time. I didn't understand what she wanted from me or why my homemade cards, necklaces and picture frames weren't good enough for her.

When I was about 10, my Uncle started coming over a couple days before Mother's Day. He'd either bring me a Mother's Day card, or give me a couple dollars so I could go out and buy her a card on my own. He was an amazing person, but knew about our troubles. I think one of the reasons he did this for Mother's Day every year was to keep the arguments away.

Hallmark cards weren't good enough either. She wanted presents - good presents that I didn't have the money for since I wasn't given an allowance. Finally, one year when I was old enough to go to the mall by myself, she decided to give me some of her own money, plus a list of Mother's Day gifts she would appreciate, such as incense, perfumes, etc. Then she would act all surprised and happy when Mother's Day came around. She was the same way when it came to her birthdays, so I received a list then too.

Meanwhile, during the rest of the year, brutal beatings, humiliation, and verbal abuse took place. I knew when I was very young that I didn't love my mother. Raised as a Catholic, I knew it was a sin to hate your parents, but why would God expect a young child to love a person who did such horrible things with no remorse? Eventually, I stopped buying Mother's Day presents. I'd tell her I forgot, but the truth was, there was no way I was going to reward that woman for being such an abusive parent. This was one tradition I would never take part in again.

Now that I'm a parent, I struggle with this holiday. Even though I cherish the cute gifts my young girls bring home to me every year, I can't help but remember how obligated I felt when I was young. My girls and I have a wonderful relationship, but come Mother's Day, in the back of my head, I irrationally wonder if they feel obligated as I once did. I want presents out of love, not because they feel forced.

I realize how horrible this sounds, which is why I've never voiced my concerns to my children. I'm fully aware that in normal mother-child relationships, kids want to show their parents how much they love them.

Despite what I went through with my mom during Mother's Day, I'm thankful for the insight I've been given, and I'm thankful for families I've run into over the years, including my husband and his family, for showing me what unconditional love and Mother's Day is all about.

Even though I've never heard of another mother who has acted with such hatred during Mother's Day, I'm hoping my story will reach a mother out there who is verbally abusive this time of year. Maybe it will be a wake up call for someone who has mental or anger issues. If you have been through a similar situation on Mother's Day, please share your story with everyone in the comment section below. You never know who it might help.