When Your Neighbors Are Strange

Well, we certainly can't control who are neighbors are. They just move right in, next door or across the street with bad habits and pet peeves all their own. What you do have a say in has more to do with who you are.

I know what you're likely thinking. Why should I have to put up with them? You could get the real estate agent on the phone, but unless you're going to administer sicological tests to everyone on the block there's no one hundred percent guarantee you wouldn't be moving right back into the loony bin. Even then people have been known to lie about who they are. So simply put; you do have to put up with 'them' unless you're planning on getting the heck out of dodge. Living together or next to each other is apart of life.

Now, how are you ever going to put up with the three stooges next door or the nutty professor across the street? The first thing you'll need to do is forgive
even though you'll probably never forget the time your neighbor refused to apologize for something he did wrong or the night his drunk relative threw up in your lawn. Begin by accepting that everybody has bad days. Did you say things you shouldn't have said? Chances are your neighbors realize that on occasion they have behaved badly. If they're the type who just never get it then all you can do is pray for them and in the meantime stay on your side of the fence.

While you're working on acceptance keep your distance. Emotional wounds take time to heal. Would you rub salt over any other boo-boo? When we're talking about a neighbor- to -neigbor situation you're better off to hold off on the band aid. There's usually not going to be any smoothing things over right away. You may find that people are pretty resilient;especially once they find out they can't locate a cheaper place to live. Don't holler out obscenities or talk nasty about them within ear shot. Also, be careful not to confide in the town gossip columnist. If you just don't feel you've gotten it all out of your system go ahead tell a friend all about it , but refrain from using unkind words or phrases. Then, the next day zip it up. You shouldn't drag it out. There should always be a "one day rule." Soon you'll need to take the trash to the dunpster and leave itt here. This doesn't mean you can't calmly talk it over with your neighbor in a week if your neigbor agrees to do so, but you're better off not bringing the subject up unless it's something that really needs to be discussed for the good of the neighborhood.

You never know someday your enemies could become your friends. In that case, they weren't really your enemies. They were just misunderstood. Remember too sometimes friends become enemies. In that case they were never really your friends.

Acceptance means not only accepting the other person's mistakes, flaws,etc. It also means placing value on their feelings. Emotions are something we don't all agree on. You may be a crier, but your neighbor may be the type who's seldom shed a tear. Neither one of you is going to change a lifetime worth of sicological conditioning over night at someone else's request. If you're a deep feeling person you may need to accept that some people just aren't all that emotional.

While you're deciding whether or not you want to wave at each other again,go on with your lifes. Neighbors don't have to like each other. You don't have to talk to each other either. Just as two people may decide they want to spend time with each other, two people may decide that they'd rather not say so much as hello. Keep in mind, that you don't want to disown all your neighbors any more than you would want to disown your entire family. What if your crazy neighbor burns your house down? You'll need witnesses and a lot of support from the community. Life can get pretty lonely with no one to talk to and sometimes it's good to have a place to get away to where there will be people who'll actually be glad you showed up. Some evening you may need a break from the kids or your spouse. That's one of the reasons we need friends and neighbors. Therefore don't be afraid to trust the people around you. We're social by nature; some of us more or less than others. Just be sure you stay away from the rotten apples in the neighborhood.

What's the worst that could happen? Your neighbor could be the kind to let a pit bull run loose. He may go as far as reacting defensively when you politely inform him his dog did something naughty such as attack your child. Some people just don't care. Your neighbors may be head bangers who run an all night Ozzfest in their home. A neighbor or two may be prone to hitting on other people's spouses. Or maybe it's something as simple as disobeying the rules and laws the rest of us have no trouble obeying such as parking on the grass. Your neighbors smoke pot and you can smell it while you're washing dishes with your windows open? What about other people's trash in your lawn? Ever heard music blared in another language at two a.m.? When are they planning on turning that off? Should you call the cops and put George Jones to bed? Domestic disputs? Drug runners? Men who whistle as you walk down the rode? Theft? Anonynous door knockers? Free loaders who always want something? Rude teenagers? You name it anything can happen anywhere.

So, what should you do? At some point [sooner than later] free loaders have to be set straight. Decide whether or not what they're begging for is something they really need. Where else could they get what they need? If a neighbor is constantly using your phone suggest they get a cell phone. Offer them the number to a service provider. If someone is always "borrowing" cigarettes tell them you just quit. If they're always bumming a ride don't rush off from your family everytime. Suggest other forms of transportation. Tell them you saw a car for sale down the street. Let them know what days and times you can or can't give them a ride to work. Ask them if they ever thought of car pooling and not with you unless you happen to work at the same place. If someone has a job and they still never seem to have their own supplys remind them that you thought they just got paid. Hey, you don't have to answer the door.

Contrary to popular belief there's not much you can do about druggies unless a fight brakes out at their home while they're using illegal substances. The cops will tell you they're not investigating just under suspicion of drug use. They have to drive by and smell it. Or if someone is obviously selling drugs out of their house you can call in and report your observations. The police are more concerned about in home drug trafficking than a little pot smoke. You'll have to close your windows. Most people don't realize that it's legal to do whatever you want in your home as long as no one's getting hurt. It's not so much legal as it is termed "unfounded suspicion". The cops are interested in witch hunts or wild goose chases.

Loud music? You can call the police or security. They'll usually check it out and ask them to turn it down, but if you know the neighbors well you're better off to either endure the mind numbing maddness or politely call them yourself on the telephone. If the noise makers are someone you don't know or don't get along with you probably shouldn't try talking to them about disturbing the peace. Remember, if you listen to loud music on occasion, next time you could be the one being called in.

Don't waste your time worrying why your neighbors are allowed to brake rules you have to follow. We've all known people who seem to get away with everything.

As far as confronting a neighbor about anything, use caution. Where wild dogs or unattended pooches are concerned you just might want to call the pound yourself. If the dog catcher won't come out call the police right away if you feel the animal has put your family in jeapardy.

There are a lot of crazy people out there in the world and some of them may just happen to live very close to you. Practice tolerance every chance you get and when necessary protect your family as well as yourself. Until the next time my pen starts talking take care and be good to one another.