When the One Thing You Hate About Him Becomes an Obsession

Everyone has one thing about themselves they would like to change, but when the one thing you would like to change is on your mate, what to do?

Overheard in a food court: "He's the boy of my dreams but I really hate his thumbs!" Her friends laughed but the look on the teenage girls face was anything but funny. She was concerned and with good reason. When something about your mate is bothering you it can lead to tension and sometimes conflicts.

Initially when we meet someone we assess their physical traits to decide if they are suitable as a mate. When we get to know them often those initial characteristics are called into question and found to be lacking. Often it is because something in their character has urged us to re-examine them or perhaps the old adage 'familiarity breeds contempt' is true!

So there is something about your mate that bothers you; what do you do about it?

It's his clothes!

If it is something as simple as 'He wears black shirts or muscle shirts every day.", there are solutions. To change someone's style is to change their perception of who they are, so tread lightly. You may see him as the button-up dress shirt type but he may feel self conscious and uncomfortable. Try to remember it's the man beneath the shirt and not the shirt you fell in love with. His discomfort will change his mood and make things uncomfortable for both of you. If you absolutely can't stand his style, buy him a new shirt or two and tell him how much you like it when he wears that style but remember, men have an uncanny ability to sense when you are trying to change them so he may go back to his old style. Tell him gently that you have a problem with it and ask him to help you by compromising a bit. Ask him to wear his style 5 days a week and yours two...on date nights when the two of you are together.

It's his friends!

His friends have probably been a part of his life for far longer than you have and are, in a way a part of him. Try to remember that and think of them as the part of him you don't want to see, allow him time with his friends; you don't have to be there. Agree to have days of the week in which he goes out with the boys (but doesn't bring them back with him) or days in which you go out with the girls, the time away with different people will do both of you good as you can choose which parts of your visits with friends to relate to your mate in new entertaining stories.

It's his scent!

A man's scent is very hard to change. Showering and body powders are temporary cures but a man's scent will come through no matter what. If you really love him and want to stay together but something about his natural odor repels you ask him to try chlorophyll. It's a natural supplement that neutralizes smells when taken daily and it is a wonder food! Chlorophyll boosts energy by building red blood cell production so you will make him healthy and nice smelling at once. What if it doesn't work? Get used to him! If he is worth your time you will come to love his scent and will miss it when he is away.

It's his thumbs!

There are some things you just can't change, body parts fall into that category. If, like the girl in the food court, you find something about your mate's body offensive you can change your thinking! Look into his eyes while you hold his thumbs (ears, feet, knees) in your hands, and feel the warmth of the one you love flowing through them. Realize that they are just a tiny part of the wonderful person they are attached to and treasure them. Without them he wouldn't be who he is. Consciously think to yourself, "I love the man with these thumbs so I love these thumbs!" Once you are able to accept that if you lost the thumbs the man would go with them you will understand their value! (After all, when you look in the mirror you know there are parts of your body that are not amazing as well!)

No one is perfect. Our flaws make us unique and wonderful. Look for the reason you were attracted to your mate in the first place and allow yourself to love the whole man.