When a Parent Has to Leave: Helping Kids Cope

Whether one parent has to leave for a long period of time due to an important business trip, personal reasons or as in my own situation, where my husband had to leave for a military deployment, kids can have a difficult time dealing with their parent having to leave. Here is a look at some tips to helping children cope when one parent has to leave for an extended period of time.

1. Sit your kids down and discuss the situation. While not situations will allow both parents to be present if at all possible try to have both parents sit down to explain that mom or dad will have to leave for a while. Younger children often do well with a simple explanation but older kids may have more questions. In our case our older sons asked a few questions about what their dad would be doing, how long he would be gone and if they would be able to talk to him. Answer the best you can and with answers you feel most comfortable with. Sitting them down and explaining that the parent will have to leave can really help cut out some of the shock and difficulty they may encounter when the parent first leaves.

2. Keep the lines of communication open. Be sure to have ways your child can communicate with the parent that is gone. Skype is an excellent program that allows families to stay in touch via the computer with the help of webcams and special headsets. Your child will actually be able to see their parent which can greatly help. If there is no access to computers try to set up certain times where you can talk on the phone with the help of calling cards or an inexpensive calling plan on your phone. Lastly you can always get your child special paper, envelopes, pens, pencils and their own stamps so they are able to write to their parent whenever they feel the need to "talk" to them. If your child is too young to write or read, encourage them to draw pictures or color pictures to send to their parent.

3. Keep busy! Whether your child enjoys sports, karate, arts and crafts, music lessons or swimming lessons keeping them busy will help the time pass more quickly. If at all possible try to schedule special dates with your child. This can be as simple as heading to the nearest park for a picnic or going out to a fun dinner and a movie. Not only will this be beneficial to the child but for the parent as well. Take lots of pictures so you can show the parent who is gone everything their child has been doing.

4. Expect ups and downs. Even though kids can be very resilient and seem as though nothing is bothering them, you should expect some ups and downs. Some days and events may trigger moody behavior such as holidays, sports events or special school events. Let your child know you are available to talk any time of the day and try to stay patient with them. Try to keep things as routine as possible to give them a sense of security they will need and want.

5. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Although asking for help can be difficult for some parents, when it comes to the health and welfare of your child, it may be necessary if they are having a particularly hard time struggling with their parent being gone. Do not be afraid to consult with their teacher, coach and doctor to get opinions. Teachers and coaches can fill you in on if they are struggling with school or their favorite activities while doctors can give excellent advice or even suggest someone for your child to talk to.