When Your Parent Keeps Their Ulcerative Colitis to Themselves

Growing up with a parent that suffers from ulcerative colitis can be a challenge. That challenge is made even more difficult if you are unaware of your parent's diagnosis, or do not understand what it means. You may spend years feeling resentful about the family activities you missed out on without knowing why. Untreated ulcerative colitis can sometimes have a devastating impact on family relationships. This is what happened to me.

Ulcerative colitis is a chronic type of inflammatory bowel disease that presents with diarrhea, abdominal pain, weight loss, and fatigue. Ulcerative colitis causes inflammation and ulcers in the digestive tract, and can be so severe that it often results in malnutrition and complications that may require surgery. This disease is believed to be cause by a malfunction of the immune system.

My father suffers from ulcerative colitis, but was not diagnosed until I was already an adult. He spent many years living in pain and wondering what was wrong with him, but refused to ask the doctor about it because he was too embarrassed. It was not until an attack of diverticulitis sent him to the hospital that he discovered what had been controlling his life for so many years.

As a child, I only knew that my father very rarely attended my school functions. I did not know that he stayed home when the rest of family went to a theme park because he was worried about a flare-up of his symptoms. I simply believed he didn't have the desire to be involved in my childhood, and thought his excuses regarding the bathroom were exaggerations or even lies. So many times I felt such sadness, disappointment, and resentment at his apparent lack of interest in my life. Now I understand what he must have been going through.

Due to the chronic and often disabling symptoms my father suffered from for so many years, his relationship with his children was negatively influenced, and his relationship with my maternal grandparents was irreparably damaged. My mother's family never believed my father was ill, and instead thought he did not visit or attend family functions because he felt he was better than they were. After so many years of this, they eventually stopped inviting him to family events completely. This confused me even more when I was a child, and I often wondered what horrible thing he had done to deserve such treatment.

My maternal grandparents have since passed, and therefore my father was never able to repair that relationship. Fortunately, after finally receiving a diagnosis and getting help for the symptoms caused by the ulcerative colitis, he and I have managed to move beyond the negative feelings I developed toward him as a child. He still does not like to speak about his condition, which is a shame, as he certainly could benefit from the support of his family and from others that suffer from ulcerative colitis.

I regret being unaware of my father's illness, and I wish he would have had more support from other family members. My mother urged him many times over the years to seek medical advice, but he always refused. Since his diagnosis, he has learned that he cannot ignore his symptoms, and treatment has greatly improved his quality of life. I would strongly encourage anyone that suffers from the symptoms of ulcerative colitis to seek a consultation with a medical professional as soon as possible, before the disease damages more than just your body.