When Parents Give Kids Permission to Have Sex
When parents give kids permission to have sex, they give them permission to do break rules. Teens break rules all the time and parents correct them. When make an exception when it comes to sex? When your son decides gets caught joy-riding, do you give them permission to keep doing it? When your daughter shoplifts, do you pat her on the back and show her how to do it without being busted? No, you do not. You discuss the violation. You punish the child if need be. You make sure it does not happen again. When and if a kid has sex, parents need to discuss with the child why they did it, and how they can keep it from happening again, not to give a rubber stamp to continue. A kid can have sex and then abstain in the future.
When parents give kids permission to have sex, they cease to parent their child. They are in essence telling them, "You are an adult now". Let's face it, sex in an adult activity best enjoyed by responsible people who love and respect each other. Can anyone show me a teenager having sex who is responsible?
When parents give kids permission to have sex, they set up their children for danger. Sexual activity before maturity is dangerous. It can result in multiple partners. It can result in relationships with controlling and dangerous people. Many teens are abused and even murdered by their sexual partners.
When parents give kids permission to have sex, are setting up their kids to be teenage parents. Look at the statistics! There is not such thing as 100% effective birth control. Sometimes that 1% failure rate happens the first time. Sometimes it happens the last time, but eventually, it happens. Teenage sex equals teenage parenthood.
I say this through personal experience. I grew up in an area where many fellow teenagers became sexually active at a young age. Many of the parents accepted this and went as far as to let partners move into the home with them. As a teenager, I could easily see how this was a problem that a mother would have a young man move into her teenage daughters bedroom. I could not understand how the parents were not bothered by this. In my mind, I saw it as prostituting the young girl to make it easier to meet financial responsibilities as the young man often contributed money to the household. These relationships however, often ended up with teenage pregnancies and devastating breakups.
Published by A. Hermitt
Andrea Hermitt is an artist by nature and an educator by necessity. As a homeschooling mom of 10 years, she stays current in all things educational, and cutting edge to help her homeschool her children, and... View profile
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11 Comments
Post a CommentAs a parent with two young boys (6&9) I have wondered what I would do if and when either of the boys is caught by me having sex with another boy of girl. It is easy to say now stop doing it until your of age.
How many will listen? Did we? NO!
Will I be willing to let it happen in my home rather than the back seat of a car without protection. I don't know.
The only thing that I do know is that I will be facing the problem sooner than I think.
I don't understand why you have equated underage sex with shoplifting. That's a very different form of endangerment.
I am not saying don't teach them... but I am saying do make it easy!
I don't feel that teaching teens about safe sex is giving them permission to do it, anymore than I feel teaching teens about safe driving is giving them permission to drive without a liscense.
This is a difficult issue because of the difference between sexual and emotional maturity. While I agree with you in theory and especially for teens not out of high school, I think it is important to address the issue of birth control and possible pregnancy very forecefully in case the teen continues to have sex against the parents' wishes.
I am realizing I was sexist in my last comment...
I will lock up my son too!
Agreed! And if it takes locking up my son when he is older, so be it. My parents taught me reasons why sex should be saved and those reasons stuck with me and I saved it for marriage. It DOES make a difference!
Condoning sexual activity in young people is wrong. Of course kids are going to do what they want, they are free spirited entities like everyone else but there is a difference between condoning sexual activity and not. Kids need boundaries no matter their age. Saying that "Teenagers will have sex when they decide to and there is nothing you can do" is basically just saying "I give up". Great article, couldn't agree more.
I'm all for locking my kid up... and she knows it.
Of course you shouldn't "let" your teenager have sex but life isn't as easy as all that. Teenagers will have sex when they decide to and there is nothing you can do short of locking your teen up until he/she is 18. While you don't want to allow the teens to have sex in your own home or right under your nose you still have to acknowledge the fact that they will have it and be there for them if they want to discuss birth control. This is especially important if you have a daughter. As a parent you are also responsible for making sure your teen doesn't get pregnant. But if you don't face the reality of them having sex you will never be there to help before she gets pregnant. This is a very sensitive subject and needs to be handled that way for each different situation.