When Parents & Teachers Meet - Another Take on the Parent-Teacher Conference

Mrs. D shares some first-hand advice from a teacher's perspective in her article "Preparing For the Parent-Teacher Conference" available online at:http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/68592/preparing_for_the_parntteacher_conference.html. It is great to hear an experienced teacher's perspective on parent-teacher conferences. As a veteran of dozens of the yearly meetings, I've certainly formulated my own opinion about how to prepare and navigate the conferences. While I agree with Mrs. D. on many points, I think there may be more to keep in mind - and maybe some advice for teachers as well…

As an involved parent, I've had my own "take" on these annual meetings and have developed some suggestions and coping tools for making the most of these educational updates that may compliment Mrs. D's ideas.
I do agree with Mrs. D that preparation is key. By having an idea of what your child is bringing home, as well as comments and other feedback you have received so far - you'll have a good "jumping off" point for the conversation. But, I also think a conference is a good time to share with the teacher the parent's perspective on homework and the grades and papers you are seeing. Is it taking your child a long time to complete homework and is it requiring a great deal of parental help? Is your child getting stressed and nervous about work or dreading going to school in the mornings? Or is your child breezing through things and saying he is bored or school is too easy?

With my own children, I found that each teacher seemed to see a different side of my child and often, the teacher's own biases and issues came through stronger than his or her understanding of my child as a student. This isn't to say that the teachers didn't care or weren't concerned - they were. But they were also human beings, often with a class full of thirty or thirty-five students and really getting to know my child wasn't always an option. Some teachers just seemed to respond to and prefer certain learning styles. So, one year, my kid might be an appreciated academic star and the next year a teacher would suggest medication (I'm not exaggerating). My advice to parents is to have a good understanding of your child and be willing to advocate for him or her as an individual, all the while trying to keep an open mind and a non-threatening attitude toward the teacher. I know, this is sometimes a bit of a challenge.

My advice for teachers would be to assume that the parents are experts and advocates for their child, even though the teacher may be an educational expert and a professional. The majority of conferences I have attended, the teacher treated me as if I knew very little about my child and that she needed to educate me on his or her learning style, easy and challenging subjects, behavior triggers, etc. By the fourth or fifth grade, this got a little old. In my dream world, teachers would remember that many parents are actually their child's first teacher - teaching them the alphabet, reading, math basics, science, and other academic subjects, while also trying to prepare them emotionally and socially for the real world. I know that doesn't apply to all parents, but I do think that most of us are devoted and concerned - and we will be there with the child long after the teacher's one year is up.

Often at parent-teacher conferences, I felt like a translator - translating my child and her feelings about school and the academic year to the teacher and then having to translate the teacher's philosophies and opinions to my child. This wasn't always the most comfortable position, but it is certainly inevitable. Mrs. D points out that "our kids need to adapt to situations that may not be 100% to their liking," and while this is true - each year, my kids would get to adjust to a new classroom, a new teacher with his or her own style, biases and classroom atmosphere, a new discipline technique, etc. Not to mention the new social challenges of whatever age, or grade or phase they were in. I don't think I could easily adjust to a new job, boss, partner or whatever every 12 months. So, I saw my job as translator to try to help facilitate that adjustment for my kids' sake.

I agree with Mrs. D - teachers are hard-working and dedicated. I spent enough hours of volunteer time in all my children's various classrooms over the years to get a taste of what a grand and incredible task teaching is. But, I think being a parent and trying to be a kid growing up and going to school is tough and takes commitment too. Parent-teacher conferences are one place where we do all meet at the table from our different perspectives, opinions and philosophies and try to focus on a shared goal - the educational well-being of one child.