When Parents Think Their Child is a Failure

Does any parent like to watch their child fail at something they do? No. However, when a parent thinks their child is a failure, it is generally motivated by a willingness to pass the blame back on to their children instead of owning up to their part and role in the child's failures. If the child displays behaviors or just does not seem to get things right, it may just reflect upon the parenting skills that were implemented. Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally, but unfortunately, there are those types of parents that just do not get parenting. Instead of taking that hard look at what the parent's part is in their child's failure, they blame the child and label the child a failure.

Little Joey is 6 years old, and little Joey has a bad attitude. He curses and swears like a drunken sailor whenever he does not get his way. He punches his younger siblings as he greedily takes their toys and snacks. His aggression boils over into his daily routines at school, where he is constantly being called up to the teacher's desk for reprimand; and he's only in first grade. Following directions is as difficult as it is to get him to pay attention to what the teacher is saying, but his parents are quite familiar with this behavior, and they have deemed him destined to fail and on a fast track to being a failure.

However, if you dissect the dynamics of Little Joey's home life, you would see that he has been conditioned into the behaviors he emulates and acts upon. Joey's dad is uninvolved in Joey's life. He goes to work and from the minute he walks through the doorway his temper is short fused, and cursing and swearing at Joey's mom or in normal conversations about the daily happenings is a nightly ritual. Little Joey identifies greatly with his dad, the man of the house, and because Joey's dad would sooner spend all his evening hours on the computer working, little Joey is seeking out attention the best way he knows how---by acting just like dad. He has dad's temper, he curses and swears, and he is basically a smaller version of dad. The only problem is that, when Joey acts like his dad, it spills over negatively into everything Joey takes part in, and Joey gets in disciplined for it. It only sends a confusing message to Joey.

Joey's mom is no better. Once Joey gets home from school, she is on his case about everything. She does not talk to him, she talks at him. She never asks him to do something, she normally yells at him to do it. She is short fused with him when it comes to helping him with his homework, and this often leaves Joey feeling frustrated and unwilling to do the work; so, he tunes her out and shuts himself down, losing the ability to have personal pride in the work he should want to produce. If that was not enough, Joey's mom expects him to mind the younger two children while she uses the computer, watches television, and throws something together for dinner. She spends zero quality time with Joey or any of the children. Joey then pursues a path of aggression and bad behavior as a tool to get mom's attention. Mom does not see this as a cry for attention and only sees the negative behaviors, which she is swiftly reprimands with a "smack" to Joey's behind as she drags him off to his room for time-out.

These are major parenting mistakes that are carried out in many homes. Parents have children, but they often do not understand what it takes and what goes into parenting the children they make. You cannot have children and expect them to raise themselves---it just does not work that way. You should have children with the hopes and ideals that they will aspire to have a good life, but they can only achieve that by parents instilling the know-how.

If you do not commit to molding and shaping their behaviors positively, then you are fast tracking them toward failures. If all you do is notice your child's failings and never notice the good in them, you are conditioning their failure. If you do not communicate effectively with your child, they cannot learn how to communicate effectively themselves. If you do not understand that children learn best through consistent and quality involvement, "you sew what you reap, and reap what you have sewn." If you think your child has to earn respect, you have not taught them that respect is a mutual two-way street.

So, when a parent thinks their child is a failure, they need to take a hard look in the mirror, because, generally speaking, "the apple probably did not fall to far from the tree". Remember, every action and behavior you allow the innocent mind of a child to soak up is a form of conditioning. This means that if your "Little Joey" is displaying traits of failure, you need to look at your own parenting mistakes and own up to your part in the failings your child makes.